Today is a really bad day. I woke up this morning and cried and cried. I did things to try and end it, but my courage failed me. I've been depressed on and off for the last 3 years since I lost my job, since then I've lost my partner my children and my self respect. For the last three years I've struggled to try and find a new beginning, but everything I've tried has failed. Now I'm really at rock bottom. I'm on meds and have a psychiatrist, but nothing is helping. If they could take away the depression, the underlying problems would still be there. Basically I feel I have completely failed at my one shot at life, so now what's the point of hanging around being lonely and depressed for the next 30 or 40 years. Don't tell me not to give up, I've been "not giving up" for the last 3 years, while things have steadily gone from bad to desperate. I seem to be incapable of making anything work out any more. I'm resigned to not having the love of my children or another woman, or even grandchildren. All the things that other people seem to take for granted have eluded me. I'm now destitute and struggling to even feed myself. Where the f**k am I supposed to get hope from? The preparations I've made are still in place and all it will take now is the will power to go through with it - yet still I'm hoping for some miracle. I guess that shows what a fool I am. Seeing many of the threads on here just makes me realise that I'm not alone in feeling like this, but it doesn't produce any answers. Oh God I'm so desperate!