This is my first time doing something like this, but what can it hurt. On June 28,2010 I received the call that would turn my world upside down and change me forever. My husband paged me at work and when I called him back he told me that my grandma was dead and that my mother had killed herself. The chain of events after that and the facts that soon came to light had me questioning if I ever truely knew my mother. It is a very long and complicated story, with so many twist and turns it seems like a novel or movie. Unfortunatly it was my reality. Later that day I discovered my grandmother had actually been dead for at least a week and my mom had hid it from us. Again, a long and complicated story which I Don't mind sharing if anyone wants more details. All I know for sure is that my mom was the most loving and caring person I know, she would do or give anything for others but would never ask for help for herself. Today is her birthday and I would give anything to be able to hug her and tell her how much I love her. It was just me and her growing up, no siblings or father, so I feel like such a huge piece of me is missing. I am tired of the anger I feel towards her...why didn't she ask for help or let anyone know what she was going through? How could she hurt me and my children so deeply when she had always been our protector? Why didn't I see it coming? How could I miss the signs when we had always been so close? I'm sorry..I know this is getting way too long, I just need to vent. I feel like nobody understands how I feel, even though they say they do. I just want to let go of the anger. I know I will always miss my mom and I will never have the answers I need, but I just want the anger to go away. It is so frustrating loving and missing someone soo much and being mad at them at the same time.