People seem to have it on great authority that I'm some kind of comedian which isn't the case at all because I'm simply trying not to bore people I know by preventing myself from showing my pain in public and therefor speaking total rubbish instead and making up jokes or anything funny from the top of my head at the moment in time. For some strange reason I can't seem to find life funny anymore and nobody is welcome in my little world because it seems so far away from everyone else. Without the power to make people laugh I'm nothing and as it was before I was pretty much dirt on the floor already. I can't comprehend being alone for much longer and the thought of boring my friends even further scares me. I've not spoke to my best friend in a month because he didn't think I was decent company for him anymore (which I'm not) and went out most nights with other friends and insisted to them that I didn't find out. I feel from others and they won't come and help me find my inner self.