Secluded and worthless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thebaronspell, Oct 29, 2010.

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  1. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    People seem to have it on great authority that I'm some kind of comedian which isn't the case at all because I'm simply trying not to bore people I know by preventing myself from showing my pain in public and therefor speaking total rubbish instead and making up jokes or anything funny from the top of my head at the moment in time. For some strange reason I can't seem to find life funny anymore and nobody is welcome in my little world because it seems so far away from everyone else. Without the power to make people laugh I'm nothing and as it was before I was pretty much dirt on the floor already. I can't comprehend being alone for much longer and the thought of boring my friends even further scares me. I've not spoke to my best friend in a month because he didn't think I was decent company for him anymore (which I'm not) and went out most nights with other friends and insisted to them that I didn't find out. I feel from others and they won't come and help me find my inner self.
  2. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    People with a gift for comedy often have the 'dark' side to them as well. It's a creative thing. There's a saying that 'the pendulum swings' and it means that if you're really good at something then the counter swing sends you just as far in the opposite direction.
    I think that what I'm trying to say is that you're going to have to expect the downside to your gift. Look up favourite comedians and see just how many of them suffered from some sort of depression.
    Also, you can't expect to be 'on a stage' every moment of your life. You need downtime from that. You need time to yourself. Just because you're not making people laugh doesn't make you worthless. It means that you're refueling your batteries. Allow yourself the downtime.
    Friends are difficult because whilst they might love us completely and unconditionally, they do need time away from us. We can be heavy going for other people when we're in the downtime. That's why we need professional help instead. People who are trained to help and know how to turn it off when they go home at the end of the day.
    Other than a professional, no one is going to help you find your inner self. You can't expect them too. You're on that journey on your own.
    Try to stay strong. The world needs wit so we don't want to lose you. It also needs people who understand the downside of being witty, so we don't want to lose you for that bit either. x
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No you are not worthless and i do hope you get professioal help to find a way to heal yourself inside .. Humor used it many times to block out the darkness and pain it is a good coping mechanism but you need to allow yourself to feel sadness as well take care of you okay get some therapy.
  4. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel.

    It is very sad to think (or to know) that people are only interested in you because you made them laugh. It happened to me as well. They even wanted me to write a blog thinking that it would be funny, weird and amusing. The thing is that they don't even know what I would write. It certainly not what they expected me to write.

    They certainly did not expect me to write about depression and suicidal feelings. I don't think they find that amusing at all.

    Steven Siew
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