Second and third attempt

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Tempaccount, Jun 28, 2014.

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  1. Tempaccount

    Tempaccount Active Member

    3 days ago i decded it was time to end it all. I [Edit - Methods]. I wanted about an hour and then passed out on my bed. I live with my grandparents so idk how thi happened but i was out for 2 days before i woke up. All i could do is stair at the celling as i realized i had failed. It was at this point that i realize that death would be harder then i thought.
    The after effects of the medicaiom od made me pretty tried so i just slept for a couple days.

    Skip ahead to last night.

    Its getting easier. The steps needed. The planning. The exicution. I knew it would all be over soon and that made me happy. No more dealing with my emitions, no more crying, no more, everything. I [Edit - Methods]. I thought fot sure this would take me where i wanted to go. Last night as i was laying in bed drifting away i was only happy. Glad for what was about to happen. The last thing i thought about was my brother. Last night i had some of the most intence dreams of my life. I wont write them out but they were amazing on ever possible level.

    The strange thing is these meds have had no effect on me what so ever. After [Edit - Methods] i should feel aomething..... I just feel like i always do..... This afternoon i woke up. Looking at the wall... I keep trying and failing. Why do i keep failing...

    Now im in my room wishing i could find another way. I know i can do it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 28, 2014
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    The reason why your are failing is that you want to live. Please keep posting, as we can help you and do care for you. I plead do NOT do anything now. Please speak to someone about this and keep thinking the impact it would have you brother. Surely, living for brother is a good reason to live.

    I can understand that it's very distressing at the moment but you can make it through the darkness you are facing. You are not alone at all my dear friend. You need to change your environment to keep away from theses dark thoughts. You can deal with it and we are here for you. Keep posting here and take care.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, it does seem that you have given up on life, but life hasn't given up on you. There are much better ways to deal with what you're going through...be it counselling,medication,meditation etc...don't give up. you can come out the other side :)
     
  4. Suess

    Suess Member

    I want you to know I too thought about ending it all when I was your age. Thank God I didn't go through with it!!! I am 48, almost 49 now and when I look back at everything that I would have missed out on in life OMFG! That would have been so stupid of me. I am so glad I did not do it. Life is different when you get past that awkward stage of trying to get out on your own and becoming self sufficient. At your age, you haven't even BEGUN to live your life. It gets better and it gets easier. You have so much more to experience in life and don't even know it. I hated my life at your age. Let me tell you I have washed some dishes, and cleaned some shit in my day. I've had no family or parents in my life and I have done everything on my own. It's after we have washed enough dishes and cleaned up enough shit and have gotten a few good references from a few employers that we start moving up the ladder. Unless we've got trust funds or families, we all have to start off as bottom feeders. You will go through a few jobs that fire you for no reason, but you will find another job and do the best job that you can do. I love my life now because it is my own life in my own house. You will love your life when you get on your feet and you WILL get on your feet. Take advantage of the time at grandmas (and be happy you are starting out from there and not from the homeless shelter) Go get a new job and do the best job you can do. Show up everyday and do a good job because that is what it takes to get on your feet. Before you know it you will be on your own. It just takes a little time to get there. Be patient, but show up and do the best job you can. You are in control of your own destiny. This is your future self telling you DON'T DO IT and I promise that you will look back one day and say "Damn, I'm glad I didn't do that".
     
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