3 days ago i decded it was time to end it all. I [Edit - Methods]. I wanted about an hour and then passed out on my bed. I live with my grandparents so idk how thi happened but i was out for 2 days before i woke up. All i could do is stair at the celling as i realized i had failed. It was at this point that i realize that death would be harder then i thought. The after effects of the medicaiom od made me pretty tried so i just slept for a couple days. Skip ahead to last night. Its getting easier. The steps needed. The planning. The exicution. I knew it would all be over soon and that made me happy. No more dealing with my emitions, no more crying, no more, everything. I [Edit - Methods]. I thought fot sure this would take me where i wanted to go. Last night as i was laying in bed drifting away i was only happy. Glad for what was about to happen. The last thing i thought about was my brother. Last night i had some of the most intence dreams of my life. I wont write them out but they were amazing on ever possible level. The strange thing is these meds have had no effect on me what so ever. After [Edit - Methods] i should feel aomething..... I just feel like i always do..... This afternoon i woke up. Looking at the wall... I keep trying and failing. Why do i keep failing... Now im in my room wishing i could find another way. I know i can do it.