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second attempt of the afterlife....

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Darkdragon44, Oct 12, 2011.

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  1. Darkdragon44

    Darkdragon44 Well-Known Member

    Well...i cant believe and made a second attempt at suicide just to fail! big time... i tried a different attempt, drowning on booze and pills and im still F****** here... i want to die... im so far down into depression i can function i've been beaten and raped, and dodged a bullet to not get pregant, damn ima lucky bitch....my life has fallen apart at the seams... ever since my best friend and Love of my life died, and alex beat and raped me...my family hates me for being a excuse for life and im doomed to be unloved and beat on.
    i need to die maybe they'll miss me then... everyone has left me for more important people... and im just there to be a bother im useless and stupid and meaningless, im nothing but a thief, ***** and a liar
    im going to try again real soon... i want to die
    im cutting and drinking and sleeping alot and theres nothing i can do to ease my pain.
    im reaching out for some possible help, is there a reason for me to keep living
    That is all
  2. IntoTheWoods

    IntoTheWoods Guest

    Wow it sounds like you have had a really shit time and I know when a lot of big stuff comes at once it is so hard to trust that things could possibly get even a little better. You sound like you are in a really deep place right now and I wish I knew what to say to give you that hope - all I know for me is that underneath all the stinking rot that infests me, I know there is a tiny part of me, a tiny strong part of me that wants to live - I just need to concentrate on giving it what it needs so it can get bigger and more powerful - like a smouldering fire just waiting for the right combination to get it to burst into flames again - I don't know if you have a therapist or mental health worker who can help keep you safe at the moment - I know it can he really tough to keep plodding sometimes.

    If you want to share any of that stuff feel free to message me, I may not have answers / solutions, but have a good listening ear at the moment. Take care, you do matter.
  3. queensfilmer

    queensfilmer New Member

    there is always a reason, maybe you will find amazing fullfillment in something some day, i only tell you this because i feel the same way myself, often times i talk to people and i dont get much out of it, i feel like no matter how much talk it wont take back the issues, well we wouldnt be here reaching out for help if somewhere deep down inside we didnt think we had something to live for, maybe its not in our immediate surroundings, maybe the situations of our life has swallowed us up so we cant see past it and feel sunken in too far, that makes two of us
  4. mytime

    mytime Active Member

    I feel for you, I've been there and I know how bleak it feels.

    That's straight depression talking. Dieing to get noticed doesn't make any sense to anyone without depression. At the end of the day, it's your choice to live or die, but don't do it because you want to make other people feel something. You'll never even know if it worked.

    Again, it's your choice. But you're clearly really distressed right now. So it's not a good time to make any important decision, especially not a life and death one. Why not hang on until you're past the immediate distress. I know that's hard, after all, you want to die because of how you feel now. I'm not suggesting you wait as a way to trick yourself into not killing yourself. I've been there too and eventually it doesn't work. Instead, write down how you feel now so you don't forget.Then, when you have a more rational brain, seriously think about your options.

    I don't know. But if there is, you're going to have to do most of the work to climb out of the hole you're in yourself. There's a lot others can do if you want them to, but you have to want it first and be prepared to do some really hard things. Like not drinking when you feel depressed (but you probably won't manage that until you have some reason for hope). If you do want help, start with your GP. Many people here can help too with sharing experience especially of what's helped us.
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