I'm 18 and I've never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl, I don't have any friends at all. I met a girl in summer (I can't remember if it was 2012 or 2013, I've lost track of all time) but somewhere around the line I found out she was only 14, even though we looked the same age. I thought to myself, if it really matters I can wait 2 years and no one will care. 16 year olds date 20 year olds all the time. I told her that there was a huge age difference and she hasn't me talked to me since. She seems to be completely unaware of how big of a loser I actually am, I never told her how I felt because I didn't want to lose my only friend in the world. Now she's to busy with all her friends every weekend to see me. Then she got a boyfriend. Now I don't see a future for myself. Before in high school I never talked to anyone because of anxiety and fear of crowds. I was picked on every day. After my dad was arrested for molesting my sister I started drinking. People started to become afraid of me after the <edit mod total eclipse triggering>, just because of how miserable I looked. At first I didn't mind, I thought maybe people will stop picking on me? They didn't. People were throwing textbooks and rubber bands at me every day. A couple teachers started acting really nice to me out of no where. I saw right through it, their prejudice p***ed me off. I was the nicest person they knew and they looked at me like a serial killer. At the end of the day one of them walked in my classroom and searched my bag for guns, only to find whiskey. They proceded to talk to me condescendingly, then I was expelled. Yesterday I went into the <edit mod total eclipse method>myself, but couldn't do it. The forest was so cold and dark and dead I couldn't stand the thought of dieing there for some reason. I was pretty delusional after only a day of no food or water, I'm really skinny for my height. I also went a little nuts and started arguing with myself. I was to weak to take down <edit mod total eclipse method>and walked back to my house. Now it's day 2 and I still haven't eaten, my heart is pounding and fingers and toes freezing. With my body size, even though I'm doing nothing but laying in bed I don't think I'll be alive much longer.