secret

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by unwanted, Apr 25, 2007.

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  1. unwanted

    unwanted Guest

    I'm 27, married, 3 kids, buying house, in city, basically your typical family life.

    I wish I never got married.
    I wish I never had kids.
    I wish I never cut myself.
    I hate my life, but love my past.

    I wish I never got married. My wife doesn't like anything I do. The only reason we really got married is because she got pregnant. All she does any more is sit around, get fat, and yell at everything. I try and get her to do hobbies with me, yet she has no interest in them. And she has no hobbies herself except for the ones mentioned above (sit, fat, yell).

    I wish I never had kids because then a divorce would be so much easier and would cause less harm. I am tied down to the house now because of these kids. I can't "just go" like I used to. I have to take 15 minutes to leave (by myself) to go anywhere saying good byes and all that crap. If we all go then it takes like an hour just to get from the house to the van.

    I wish I never cut cause now I have all these scars all over me. I have to hide them because I'm so ashamed. I have always hated summer because of the heat. Now I'm really going to hate it because I'll have to wear long sleeve year round to hide the scarring.

    I love my past because it was filled with sex, no love or emotions tied, drugs, and money. I could just go when I wanted. No byes or anything. I could get a booty call whenever I wanted. I could snort drugs up my nose all days of the week with no repercussions. Live was great....or so it seemed.

    Even as great as that was, I still could have enjoyed life better. I wish I had not ever started using, cutting, or fucking. I should have instead, read, lifted weights, and traveled. I should be climbing mountains. Camping out on mountains. Discovering sunken paradises covered by thick groves of nature.
    I should be meeting chicks on the trail and getting to know more people.

    Instead, I'm stuck at home with a dysfunctional family, a mental disorder, scars mental and physical, and all this other crap. The best thing I can hope for is to remove the scar tissues and infections in my family life and try and bring fun and health to it. I doubt that will happen in the next 90 years.

    Where is God when you need him? (rhetorical question) No need to reply. I just wanted to get that out and off my chest. I doubt it will help, but who knows. Where's my pills....
     
  2. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Firstly I'm really sorry that you feel so... held back is the right description I believe. So locked, it seems. :sad: :hug:

    Secondly, try to look for the positive things, maybe? Like when your children are enjoying something, the laughs on their face, hearing them having fun. Surely that's something to make you smile?
    Try to take some of their energy on you to put in the family, perhaps try talking to your wife about how you feel?
    Good communication in a family can resolve many problems and even prevent some problems from happening.

    Meanwhile feel free to keep writing it up here, to get it off your chest. Feel free to register (if you're not registered here) and if you ever want a private talk, you can PM me. My inbox is always open.

    :hug: Sending you many virtual hugs :hug:

    :arms:
     
  3. jupiter202

    jupiter202 Well-Known Member

    I might be on a different side here....but I say if you are unhappy in your marriage, get out. BUT ONLY if you have genuinely tried to make it work. What good is it if you are miserable? Kids pick up on their parents moods. I knew at 9 yrs old my parents shouldnt be together. There is no reason you cant be an INCREDIBLE dad to your kids, even if you arent with your wife legally. It CAN work out. And you can work on making a new start for yourself.

    It saddens me to hear that people are unhappy in a relationship....I know that feeling alllll to well. Leaving my husband was the best thing I did, for myself AND for him too. I couldnt give him all of me as I was unhappy....it wasnt fair to me or him.

    Im rambling.....

    Let me also state, Im not saying divorce is just a cure-all and to be taken lightly by any means (I can hear the rebuttles from people already thinking Im saying "just get divorced, its a piece of cake" lol )....Im just saying it is a choice after all other attempts at making it work have gone to shit.
     
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