I carry so many because I hold in my feelings from others. I only really let loose about my problems online. I don't have many people I can really open up with. I feel too fucked up to really let others know what plagues me. In this thread, if you wish, share some secrets and struggles that you have. Does anyone feel as if saying your secrets out loud or typing them somewhere helps to resolve problems? I am experimenting with this to find out if it might help. Maybe others here can relate to some of my secret struggles. I've already confessed one secret on the board in another thread. I spoke about my feelings for a friend. Here are some of my secrets: I am VERY jealous of a good friend. She seems to have everything going for her. She has no idea I feel this way I think. She's beautiful, gets any guy she wants, has a successful career, and her family is loaded. When we hang out, guys look at her, not usually at me. That makes me BURN with envy. Money is NEVER an issue for her either. She's never treated me badly but I can't help feeling resentment in our friendship. I've even contemplated distancing myself from her in order to deal with my feelings alone but I don't want draw too much attention. I never want her to find out how I feel. I still keep tabs on someone I've developed a crush on. I know he still has a girlfriend and he lives in a different country but I find myself struggling to let go and move on. I promised myself I'd stop checking up on him. It's hard and I feel pathetic for being so fucking weak. I get violent urges sometimes when I am upset depressed. I fantasize about taking my anger out on people by being physical. If I don't fantasize about others, then I get afraid that I'll try to harm myself instead. It usually comes down to me or them attitude. I wish I could get rid of these feelings period because they cause me a lot of distress. I know it's unhealthy. I won't actually do any of the things I think about but I feel so unstable the thoughts are compulsive. I have stalker tendencies. I obsess over others easily. Usually guys. I think this comes from my need to feel loved and fulfilled. I know my attachment to guys and relationships is bad but it's a hard habit to break. That's one of the reasons why I seek help and communities online. I need to sort through my problems by facing them and coming clean. Maybe that will give my mind some rest for once. I've done some farfetched things such as research everything online about guys I like, keep tabs on some of their girlfriends to constantly compare myself to them, drive by their houses to see if they are home, make sure to be where they are so we can bump into each other. Stuff like that. I haven't done this in some time because I've cut off a lot of contact recently, but when I obsess over someone, all of this drama begins and it makes me ashamed because I feel like I have no control. I sometime feel glee if someone who seems to have a perfect life gets bad fortune. I so know this is horrible. I know sometimes the lives of other people look perfect when they may not be, but I suffer with this affliction all the same. I am not proud of this. I want to change this. I binge eat a lot. In a day, sometimes I'll hit several fast food places and markets for junk food. and then I sometimes purge. I'll use laxatives, make myself get sick. I'll skip a day of eating occasionally if I've binged a lot. I want to stop this because I feel this is getting out of control.