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See if anyone responds

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spike, Jul 26, 2010.

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  1. spike

    spike Member

    If anyone responds to this, seeing if this forum is even active..I'll spill my story.
  2. NobodyHome

    NobodyHome Member

    Share it =]
  3. spike

    spike Member

    Surprised anyone would be up this late.

    I have no friends around where I live. I have difficulty making them. My work is basically screwing me out of raises. I can't sell my condo because the housing market sucks and I owe more than its worth. The only thing I have right now are 2 cats and dog that love me.

    My last girlfriend was going great, she was happy, I was happy. I loved her kids, etc. She just up and left because she was 'scared'. She just got out of a divorce and she said she "spooked and ran" Now she wants nothing to do with me. It was perfect she needed me just as much as I've needed someone. I'm pretty needy I guess.

    The reason for that is because my sister is mentally disabled and growing up my parents never really paid me attention. They wouldn't play games with me even. I stayed in my room and that's why I'm good at computers I guess. I got one when I was 10. All I did was that and play computer/console games. I have been alone most of my life except for a few girlfriends here and there. One of my closest friends tells me "I have no reason to complain" Which really set me off because that's the same thing my mom basically tells me. She tells me that I could be like my sister, or I could have cancer, etc. So then I feel bad for feeling bad.

    I don't have health insurance therefore its really hard to get any form of help in this area. I don't want anyone to really know what I'm going through, and I do want help. My friends basically blow me off as I'm having a "moment" or I'm the one causes all my problems and I just need to cheer up.

    That's a start...
  4. spike

    spike Member

    Also. I have a problem dealing with people because of my intelligence. I find most people to be stupid and I can't get along with anyone really. I get bored very easy, extremely actually. Therefore I can't find or think of anything to do. I don't believe in any religion and I never want anyone to try to preach it to me. Its not logical to me, so anytime therapist or anyone tries to give me that as a reason to live just pisses me off.

    Also my moods go up and down. Sometimes everything is great, then for no reason its not. Most of the time, its not. There are things in life I know I will never achieve because I don't have the motivation and I can't seem to find it.
  5. NobodyHome

    NobodyHome Member

    I'm actually pretty freaked out at how similar you are to me. I've always been wrapped up in my intelligence and have difficulty making friends because I feel that a lot of people are nonsensical. And I also don't believe in any sort of God or religion, but that doesn't mean that I don't have faith that things will get better. Things usually tend to work themselves out, you just have to push. I live in NYC and with the 8 million people that are here I oftentimes feel alone, but the important thing to do is to realize that there's a difference between being alone and lonely. You're not doing anything wrong for expressing your feelings so don't let anybody feel like you are. People are just so afraid of feelings. And I too don't have any medical insurance, which is how I ended up here too.
    Is there anyway you can do some kind of overtime at your job? Or another location with the same job that may offer some more money? And don't sweat the girl trouble. I have a feeling that she'll be back, because she probably was afraid to get emotionally involved after a traumatizing ordeal such as a divorce. But just try to reassure her, that if she needs anything you're always there for her so that neither of you feel alone in hard times. It's then up to her to act on that gesture or not. And if not, there's plenty of girls for us smart fellas out there lol. Just try to stay strong and look at the good things in life.
  6. spike

    spike Member

    She won't be back. She is bi-polar. Therefore she has already forgotten me. I can't get over-time and they are screwing us on that. We work 45hrs weeks, but don't get over-time. Its "salary" but its odd because if we work over 45hrs then its over-time but if we work less than 45hrs we don't get full pay. So its "not salary" that's "hourly" and the labor board would be all over this.

    The closest place that might have a job for me is an hour away and I'd need like $15k more a year probably to warrant the gas money. I can't sell my place because of the reasons I already stated. I could let it go back, but then again it would be hard to get an apartment anywhere I go.

    I've been to NYC twice (once last year and once this year). I really miss it and I would move there in a heart-beat if I could. There is a great karaoke bar down on Ave A if you're interested.

    Also if anyone is ever interested, I'll share my AIM name. If you don't have aim, well we can maybe use one of there other ones. But just make an aim name, come on lazy people.
  7. NobodyHome

    NobodyHome Member

    Well we can talk on aim if you want, eyeronikx.
  8. spike

    spike Member

    What are you suppose to do when you hate everyone, and can't trust anyone. Everyone around you has screwed you over to some degree one way or another. Some more than others. I think I have more angry now than depression. I think everyone is a buggering idiot...What then?
  9. Jace

    Jace Active Member

    I'm heading out at the moment. When I get back I'll write a response, take care!
  10. spike

    spike Member

    Ok, sounds good. I'd like someone to chat with.
  11. Ihatemyselfalot

    Ihatemyselfalot Banned Member


    Go for it buddy. :hamster:
  12. Soul of a Dragon

    Soul of a Dragon Well-Known Member

    I am up for a BlockBuster!
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 1, 2010
  13. spike

    spike Member

    I just wish I had someone in my town to hang out with. I have no one around except co-workers and I can't hang out with any of them. One is a kinda supervisor to me and therefore company policies apparently says we can't? The others have kids, and aren't anywhere close to how I am. I have a problem because I think everyone is an idiot, and I can't stand anyone.

    Edit: I really bad issues with dealing with people and patience. I just can't find anyone that I can stand or want to be around. I probably need to be on meds but I don't have health insurance. I never get people calling me or want to hang out. I always have to find them. I can't seem to make friends, nor do I even know how. I can't afford a therapist, and I work Mon-Sat 10am-6pm pretty much so there is no time to even meet one.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 1, 2010
  14. Jace

    Jace Active Member

    From what I've read it seems like you're genuinely a good person. Do you have problems making friends? Could you be possibly using the intelligence factor as a wall to protect yourself?

    None of these have to be answered if you don't feel comfortable sharing, these questions aren't to sound condescending in anyway. I'm just trying to get more answers, and maybe have you think about things a little differently in the process.
  15. spike

    spike Member

    My intelligence isn't a way to protect myself. I think I need more direct question..Does no one have aim or any instant messenger?
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 2, 2010
  16. doctortrips

    doctortrips New Member

    I'm sure you're not that overwhelmingly intelligent, seeing as how you don't know how to use apostrophes but that's really here nor there. What I'm trying to say is, you're like everyone else, everyone feels the same. I think you should start dealing with people, who knows, you might find out that most people are actually intelligent.
  17. spike

    spike Member

    Wow, just wow. Yes I know my grammar, etc isn't the greatest, never was. Also I was typing this very late at night because I haven't been able to sleep very well. I am not going to argue this because it won't help matters.


    I think my biggest issue is social anxiety. Especially around people I do not know.
  18. spike

    spike Member

    Also no one is ever awake when I'm home. I get off @ 6pm and I'm up until 2-4am, but I can't find anyone to ever talk to to. Just tired of feeling alone.
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