Seeing myself with a future...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nothingreal, Sep 4, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Nothingreal

    Nothingreal Member

    Today at school we were asked to close our eyes and try to imagine ourselves 30 years from now. I couldn't... I can't see myself getting through the rest of the week. I don't want to live 30 more years... not like this. I can't see myself with a future. I can't see myself making it to the end of this year and graduating. And I don't know anyone who understands what that is like...

    I have two friends... They know I am suicidal they just don't know how bad it is and they don't understand it...

    Today has been rough... I don't know why I feel this way... I just do... My life is great... But I feel such deep pain... It is like I am empty. I can be in a crowd of people and still feel alone...

    I feel so much and I feel it all so deeply...

    I don't know what to do... I wish I could see myself with a future... when they asked us to picture ourselves I saw a grave stone... and when they asked us to think of how our families will feel on graduation day I saw a dark house full of people in pain...
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    then hun you need to talk to a councilor at your school talk to your doctor and get help so you can picture a future and not bring pain to your family. Get help now so you do not have to suffer alone and so you can get support to help your graduate hun
  3. Nothingreal

    Nothingreal Member

    I want to get help... I really do. I just feel like right now my family is already going through so much... they don't need more things to worry about. I went to a school councilor last year... she didn't help at all and I don't see a doctor enough to talk...
    I think the only person I know that can really help me is my mother. She is a licensed mental health councilor... the problem is she is my mother... I told her once last year that I wanted to kill myself... I can tell she wanted to help but she was having a hard time because I am her daughter... I know I need a councilor... I just don't think my family has funds for one right now...

    The timing of all this is just bad...
  4. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    please stick around

    it's horrible not being able to see a future like that- but you have us to talk to. for now, use our support to get you through each day
  5. Psych77

    Psych77 Well-Known Member

    Please, Nothingreal - if your family is going through a lot right now, it will be a lot more for them to go through if you die than to get you help for your problem.

    Your life is great, but you are still feeling depressed. That is just that much more evidence that what you have is an illness that needs treatment. I know it is never easy to do that, but doing so will give your family back the daughter they love so much!

    Do you have health insurance? That will likely cover at least some treatment. Or talk to the school counselor. If you end your life, not only will your family be deeply wounded, they will feel guilty, forever wondering why they didn't see any clues that it was coming, why they didn't save you. They will feel they failed you, and will desperately wish they had you back, for one more chance.

    Please, get help! Your mom knows the importance of the help you need, she will understand. And I think you know how important it is, too.

    I'll keep you in my prayers.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.