seeking advice

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by flint, Nov 23, 2015.

  1. flint

    flint New Member

    Hello, this is my first post here. Amidst of plenty of other problems ( that i don't know a solution for ), there's now one more thing i can't talk about with anyone, so i made an account, and possibly, some people will dislike me rightaway for what i'm going to write.
    Yet i hope i can get advice. I'm used to be insulted and judged, so go ahead, it will only make matters worse.
    Also i feel very embarrassed writing this 'in public' so to speak, and i feel like kind of a cheat and a snitch for talking about someone else. Yet i don't know what else to do.
    The thing is that since some months i've been emailing back and forth with someone, let's call him Frank. ( all i know of him is his first name and roughly his age ). He wants to end his life, because he has no job and all the jobs he can get, is work that he hates. He just wants to live a free life. So he'd rather die than having the prospect of being unhappy doing sh*tty work. Frank has talked to therapists already, but to no avail .
    Now, personally i believe this is no reason to end your life. I have given him tips and advice and so on, but it did not help, and i probably did it all wrong, because a suicidal person does not benefit from advice. I didn't know what else to do.
    Frank also asked me about suicide methods. I know a few things about that. But i felt uncomfortable telling him details. I must admit i referred him to literature. Bu he wasn't keen on looking into that. I hink what he really wants is that i explain to him in detail how and with what he can end his life. I'm not going to do that. In fact i want to say to him that i think he's spoilt and lazy. And that i truly wish i was a trained therapist so that i could help him find out the root of his problem, the underlying issues.
    But i feel too weak and too helpless to do that. Terminating the email-contact i find hard as well, because he is a nice person. Even explaining that it would be an offense to 'encourage someone to commit suicide' ( which is what giving detailed information in fact really is ), i find hard to do, because i think he might feel hurt or angry. So i don't know what to do now.
    Please don't judge me too harshly. I would be looking forward to any advice. Thank you for your time reading this.
    3 people like this.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You sound like am AMAZING friend to have, I am really glad you tried your best to help him. Do you think he would benefit from using this site as well as you. what was his diagnosis? you can be his friend, his supporter, his guardian angel but please do not tell him that he is spoilt and lazy, that's the worst possible thing you could say because it is common for people who are depressed to lose control of things they once liked doing and . Have his back when frank gets professional help, help him throughout it. You are such a good person. Thank you for being you. And, welcome to the forum :)
  3. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Flint, Welcome to SF, I want to say a few things first to you! No one, Not one person in here is going to insult you nor is anyone going to judge you! We are here to help, you cannot help someone by judging them! I do know what you want to say to Frank, at the same time you were working very hard to help him stay alive, you know him better then we here do, you thought perhaps you were going to be (not a pun!) "Frank With Him" I understand you mean no harm, I am happy that you did not say it to him! when people are in depression, they already have a sense of low self esteem, when we take what they tell us and turn it back on them it is reaffirming what he thought it would possibly contribute to his feelings! We agree here with you, that his position or condition is no reason to commit that act! We all will thank you for that, I hope some day and this is for you as much as Frank, that he can understand what you have done for him, He is indeed fortunate to have you on his side, I applaud your commitment and friendship with him! People like you with your support are few and far between. You have thought correctly and I feel acted in a very appropriate manner. You are not weak and helpless, you have shown by your actions to be resourceful and Brave! I am not trying to flatter you!
    Petal is right, you are an amazing Friend for Frank, I would ask you to try and continue what you are doing for this person that you really do not know but are giving of your time and efforts to some one else! Keep in contact here if you are able, you will find others here to speak to if we are not here to try and help Your Friend! I wish you the Best and thank you for your unselfish Efforts!
  4. flint

    flint New Member

    Thank you very much for your replies. I can barely believe what i've read, people being friendly is rare in my world. Means a lot. All the best to you.
    2 people like this.