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Seeking advice

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost43215, Apr 25, 2008.

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  1. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    I know everyone will probably tell me not to commit suicide, which is expected. Anyways, I was planning on doing so soon (using a method i know has a high percentage of working....), and was just wondering what others would think...

    Ive been suffering from a social anxiety type situation pretty much my whole life. When such events occur, it causes me to be depressed and such. Because of that ive grown to be anti-social, because i dont want to be hurt anymore. Ive already seen the doctors, and am just awaiting for an appointment to start treatment (which could take an additional 2 months). Ive already tried suicide b4, well planned out and everthing, although the method was flawed and obviously it failed.

    Oddly enough, even though im happy with the rest of my life, my career, and nearly 90% the rest of the time, I still want to end my life. I kinda feel hopeless that a solution to my problem will ever come, and at this point id rather die a happy man then have to go through any more pain. Im actually looking forward to it.

    I just dont see any alternatives. Nor do i see a doctor being able to boost my self-confidence or social skills. After the previous attempt i had gone to a phyciatrist who said i wasnt suffering from depression or anything and just needed a confidence boost.

    All in all i just want it to end now, and just remember my life as it is.
  2. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    hey lost,

    It seems that despite all the issues you are facing, you have a hell of a lot to live for. If life is good, then it is so worth the fight for better times.

    Cant you just try and wait until you start therepy and see how that goes? it could jut be that it gives you that final 10% and life will be complete xxx
  3. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    90% of your life you are happy? You can easily make that 10% bearable, because noone is 100% happy. Im 100% unhappy, and still here. I feel like I am a waste of space and time, and every moment is suffering for me. Just see what you have, and what you havent. Compare, and decide what will you do. At the end, it will be your decision, and I respect it no matter what will be, but think twice before you do something.
  4. LonelyTraveler

    LonelyTraveler Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF. Sorry you're here.

    No mindless "Hang on! Why do you feel this way?" from me. That's just stupid.
    Confidence and social skills are things that people seem to have or they don't. You can try faking it, but then you're a liar by being something that you're not, and people see through it anyway.

    The thing to remember is: It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
  5. Digger

    Digger Member

    it's a shame to hear that your not happy. no matter what else you have - that 10% can bring you down.
    It's tough - having suicidal thoughts as you may feel you have no one to talk too. Your clearly very motivated and smart to have researched an effective method.

    I would ask you if it is possible, to use the same research skills and intelligence to try and either solve or avoid that 10% problem.

    It shouldn't bring you down.
  6. ItThing

    ItThing Well-Known Member

    you mean you like life but you're afraid of something bad or is there actually a problem NOW that you can't face? By the way screw doctors they're like your mom one the eve of handing in a huge essay, supportive but they won't do it for you. What have you tried to make your own life better so far?
  7. Aleth

    Aleth Well-Known Member

    You sound profoundly lonely. Loneliness can cut to the bone like a knife, even when everything seems to be going well.
    Social anxiety is a really hard thing to deal with.
  8. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    Ive tried everything i can think of. I tried going to counselling, that didnt work. Ive tried suicide, that didnt work. Ive tried pushing myself in social situations, to try to get myself comfortable with others. Ive tried everything i can think of...

    My problem is that a) I have a huge fear of rejection. b) I cant keep a conversation. I can stand there with a group of people for the longest time, hear there words, understand them, but can never think of anything to say. Its frustrating. Even comming up with new topics I cant do. Usually online my conversations go "hey, how are u? What's new? You liking this? What's that like? What are some of ur plans for ....?" and then when that is all out of the way that's it. It's extremely frustrating, and the #1 reason i lose friends... i just stop talking to them cause ive run out of things. I can never think of activities to do with friends either, always have to ask them what they want to do.

    I look all around me, even here, and see normal people who can carry on a conversation, as if it was second nature. I try to have friends.... but I always end up losing them. I feel im not good enough for them all the time. I feel like no matter how hard I try - reading info to share with others, listening to others to see how they think of topics, push myself hard to get into conversations and participate, ive tried everything i can think of... nothing works. I doubt a doctor will be able to help with that. I doubt anyone will.

    I just want it to end while im ahead, and not end up where i was before. I had spent 10 years straight as a child being sad every single day. It was the opposite to now, and i know that if i dont get help soon, ill be back to being sad all the time. It's already to the point where im having more and more sad days. Ive lived like this all my life, and the pain is just getting to be too much. I feel i have no reason to live anymore and that even with all the good things that are still to come in life, it doesnt equal the amount of pain i have yet to go through. Ive actually lost all hope... except a tiny shard of hope that someone within the next few days will point me to a solution. I was thinking of ending it tonight originally.... but my plan has it's problems... so im holding out for now....
  9. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    It's very sad to me that you would want to end your life now when you could help so many people. :(
  10. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    It's funny you mention that. Im actually a very caring person. I care a ton about everyone around me. Even everyone on this site. I may not know anyone here but i still care about them. When i see someone sad on here, i feel sad for them. I know a lot of the time i cant help really, and if i could id go to whoever's house when they were sad, talk to them, go outside and take a trip somewhere. Maybe goto the local convienience and buy some cookies. Lay down and snooze the afternoon away. Something to get through it. Or id pull out one of my cheesy jokes until they laugh.
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