I guess i've always been sort of antisocial, but it's never really ever been a "problem" up until now. Even before my father died, i was never really close to him, and as for my mom, she's completley dissociated from me. i have two brothers, neither im close to, esp since one graduated awhile ago. We move around alot. Like, we moved to a place just 4 months ago, and now we've moved yet again. so maybe thats it, but probably not. I think what it all comes down to is that im a lousy person, and i dont put in much effort in friendships, because ive always figured that nobody understands me, and besides, ill be moving again soon, so why bother and become close to someone? also, im just a boring person, and too focused on my problems to be a good friend. like, i dont' even have any hobbies. It's so simple, i could just grab a phone and call someone and ask to hang out, but how do u explain that to someone who you've never even bothered to become close friends with? i like being alone, i just don't like being lonely...and it seems i have no one left to confide in So anyways, sorry im rambling, but ive had a close friend for about 6 months, and that's always been enough. But now things are different. I think i just realized today that the whole reason why ive been on a downward spiral is because ive just been so completley in love with someone who already has a gf, that's its just caused me to feel really shitty about myself. the best thing to do id think, is to stop being around somone whos maki8ng you feel this bad, but he's the only good friend ive ever had, in my whole shitty life. so i just don't know what to do... I wish i could just die, but i dont know how, or if i really do want to...it just hurts. alot.