seems ive pushed everyone out of my life

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Nyu, Aug 9, 2008.

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  1. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    I guess i've always been sort of antisocial, but it's never really ever been a "problem" up until now. Even before my father died, i was never really close to him, and as for my mom, she's completley dissociated from me. i have two brothers, neither im close to, esp since one graduated awhile ago.

    We move around alot. Like, we moved to a place just 4 months ago, and now we've moved yet again. so maybe thats it, but probably not. I think what it all comes down to is that im a lousy person, and i dont put in much effort in friendships, because ive always figured that nobody understands me, and besides, ill be moving again soon, so why bother and become close to someone? also, im just a boring person, and too focused on my problems to be a good friend. like, i dont' even have any hobbies. It's so simple, i could just grab a phone and call someone and ask to hang out, but how do u explain that to someone who you've never even bothered to become close friends with? i like being alone, i just don't like being lonely...and it seems i have no one left to confide in

    So anyways, sorry im rambling, but ive had a close friend for about 6 months, and that's always been enough. But now things are different. I think i just realized today that the whole reason why ive been on a downward spiral is because ive just been so completley in love with someone who already has a gf, that's its just caused me to feel really shitty about myself. the best thing to do id think, is to stop being around somone whos maki8ng you feel this bad, but he's the only good friend ive ever had, in my whole shitty life. so i just don't know what to do...

    I wish i could just die, but i dont know how, or if i really do want just hurts. alot.
  2. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Hi, just from reading your post, it seems like your family have a lot to do with you finding it hard to get close to people. Like you say that you weren't close to your dad and your mom dissociates from you, which must really hurt. That must seem like rejection in a lot of ways. So if the person who should care most about you in the world doesn't really seem to care, that's going to affect you a lot. I'm sure she does care about you, maybe shes very wrapped up in herself and her own problems, she doesn't see that you need help and support. I don't know, maybe you could say something to her, if you're comfortable doing that, even if it turns into an argument or something, it could help if she knows how you feel.

    I seriously doubt you're a lousy person. Maybe you've lost a lot of self esteem from your lack of closeness with your family. They should be showing a lot more affection for you and trying to help. Don't be so hard on yourself. You've gone through a lot, so it's not your fault.

    Is your close friend the person you're in love with? Hey, anyway I totally know how it feels to be in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way, or has someone else. I don't know, it's very hard, but you just have to accept it somehow. If you're close to him and he makes you happy in other ways, I'd say don't abandon the friendship totally. But if the pain it's causing you just blocks out all the postive aspects, maybe just give yourself a break for a while. You don't have to completely end the friendship, but you have to look after yourself a little.

    You're young now and you'll meet a lot of people you like in the future. And you say, you don't know if you really want to, so I think you should hold on to the hope you have left.

    You can pm me if you want to talk about anything. I've gone through a lot of what you've described. I don't know....but anyway, I really hope it gets better for you.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Nyu,
    I know how it is moving all the time. My dad was in the airforce and we moved every two years. I never made any good friends. I got to the point where I didn't bother going outside, and hanging out!
    I guess that was when I first started isolating myself. Now I still do it but It doesn't bother me anymore. My grandaughter is always asking me why I do that, why am I alone, why am I taking so much medicine? How do you answer a 7 year old about depression.
    Your life can be better you just have to work at it. Me I have had two nervous breakdowns and slowly went back to isolation. The one thing I have done different was I got a puppy about 5 months ago. He is my constant companion. Well take care and think things thru before you act on them...
  4. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    Yh, my mom gets angry with me alot, because in the last yr, i don't really go out with freinds like i used to, save maybe for weekends. i don't really know what she expects me to do, play hopscotch? there isn't anything outside, just more apartments and the busy 16 , not 8....besides, ive always prefered books to people. Except for him, id rather talk to him than read any book....but sometiems you can't always have what you want...

    we had a cat, but then there was a flea problem, which is why we had to move again, go Princess is gone as well.Really miss her...

    I don't really plan on doing anything too stupid atm, killing urself involves pain, which scares me. blood scares me yh, besides there always that famous quote "time always heals the pain", or however that goes.. and thanks for the responses :)
  5. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    hey, i understand where your coming from. not the moving around, but that your so into your own problems that you feel as if you've no time for friends. i feel that way most of the time. like i can't make friends with someone when you've got no life (well for me). the only friends i have never call and i know i could pick up the phone too, but why bother because if they wanted to talk to me, they'd call. guess that's just me. but i wanted to say don't ever feel sorry for rambling or ranting. people need to let some steam off every once in a while and this is the perfect place to do so :smile:.
  6. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    Haha, thats like, exactly how i feel! "if they wanted to talk to me, they'd call". thats what i tell myself everyday, until i just say im not really good frinds with them anyways and shouldnt bother them, although calling them would be pretty easy, and theyre prolly busy anyways, so why bother, well, thats what i do. and yh, i dont really feel like i have a life either...the last time i felt like i did was in 7th grade, and everythings gone downhill from there...ive just gotten really self conscience, and i dont want people to realize that im not al that great, so i avoid them

    i just feel bad, because i can't even carry a normal conversation sometiems without mentioning something depressing or complaining or whatever. well, i can pretend for a while, but the more a person gets to know me, the more theyll realize im not that happy of a person and dont really offer much...thats how i feel anyways. Even if they dont actually feel that way, my paranoia will scare them off, which i just realized is what happened with my best freind i was talking about...

    and yh, sometiems you just need to let some steam off. =)

    i have alot of steam... :)
  7. jerrin

    jerrin Guest

    Friendships will fall and rise at the most unexpected times. This seems to be one of them.

    My advice is that you don't stay quiet about this. Just gently ask them, as some people have already said, is there something that i have done wrong? Why is that we seem so distant nowadays? Friendships require a lot of effort to keep strong, and i'm sure you don't want to lose this friendship, and so i think just talking to those you care about, with how you're feeling would something worth considering or trying.

    If i can put a bit of my own personal context into this - I found that not too long ago i was experiencing the same feeling with my friends. I kept going over and over in my head what could be wrong, or more importantly, what did i do wrong? I developed thoughts which were my own and which were made by me alone, and then just one day i snapped. My friends didn't even know that i was feeling this way and all of the sudden i'm saying all these things about being ignored and like i'm not important anymore. This almost cost me my friendship, but my friends and i resolved it in the end. It was me who was at fault from misinterpretation. If i had just talked to my friends about how i was feeling in a calm way, and let them know, things would have been a lot different, meaning i wouldn't have almost lost my friendship.

    I really hope that things will be resolved for you. All the best =]
  8. Nyu

    Nyu Well-Known Member

    Hmmm, yes, actually just this morning we talked. Seems it was just a misinterpretation. Well, I had really thought that it wasn't....I'm kinda embarrassed...
  9. yanke

    yanke Active Member

    Well i cant understanding you...........
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