Seems logical

I feel like i did just before moving last year. A physical sickness, and constant reliving of stuff with my ex. I've pretty much given up really. I'm getting forced onto disability by someone else, which pretty well screws any slight chance of working. My only friend i had left stopped calling, say once a day or two. I got shotdown on another job app. It's been over 6 months, tied with so few places to work here, I'm not too optimistic on getting a job before disability takes in.

I found a community service place, but half way through i've been feeling to awful to go in. Not sure if that means i'm screwed or not. But that's due in a few weeks.

I just feel dead. Litearlly i feel like it'd be the same as being buried. The only exception is when i relive things with my ex, who seems to be on my mind lately. I have no one to talk to, hang out with, or care about really. I should have done this when i at least had something to show for it. If i wasn't scared of the physical act, i'd of done it years ago. I had a golden shot once, right before i realized how down hill it was. I can't even afford to drink away my problems, or use anything else. I just hope i can do it soon. It's my only real desire. I have one last party planned soon. Not really mine, but it's with a bunch of people i used to know. I think i'll use it to say bye to my oldest friend, before he leaves. I can just call it my pre-funeral. Then court shit will be wrapped up too. A nice clean end, to a fucked up life.

 

You've been here quite a while, so I won't assume it does any good if I just said "go get help from a professional." As an adult, you know what to do.

 

Lorax today may be dark but there will be lighter days ahead never give up hope, may be hard to do but stay connected here with others experiencing the same battles. Knowing there's a community here to connect with and speak freely about our troubles gives me strength to get through another day another night. Just knowing others took the time to read my posts and messages and it touched them enough to reply......well, that makes a real difference for me since I have no one to talk to.

You are a worthy person of great value who has a purpose - we all need a reminder of this. Hang in there.

Wishing you brighter days :rainbow:

 

Thanks for trying to help everyone. I appreciate your coments and love you all. I'm already starting to do (things) which will hopefully make this my last post/ fianl thougjts. Thank you again, soory about my life. Gomennasai.

~Lorax

 

get like this frequently. which is why I know it's pointless as nothing will make you feel better.
lets hope by the time action is planned, something good will happen that will change your mind.

 

Lorax - I passed the point of no return too - and I know from experience that it will be better for you, while you have life, to make getting well your focus, rather than destroying yourself hun - I know how hard it is, but there are insights you haven't met yet which can help turn this around. I did not know what these were at the age of 42 - there's no shame in not having discovered them at any age - there are forces that are working for you which are outside of our concepts of time/space etc. You can use this experience as a springboard to a new life - please PM me and we can talk more

 

in what manner is that even remotely logical? not always is there something in life that needs fixing. and after 10 years of therapy, when life is perfect in all ways but you still want to die, you'll realize this is b.s. a load of crap.
some enjoy life, others don't. it's that simple. it can't get better and it wont get better for certain people.
wish people would stop those delusional lies already

 

Fuzzy, if you're calling me a delusional liar, that is because you do not know my story. I write from experience and know what I've experienced that has restored my hope and from there, my life. It is illogical to say that "it can't get better" when you don't know. Being open to new ways of thinking and new insights can turn things around, I've proved it.