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Seething Confusion(Disconnect me)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Spiraling, Apr 14, 2007.

  1. Spiraling

    Spiraling New Member

    What's the point of trying to express myself anymore when all it does is no good, when all it does is silently writhe away. How is it therapeutical anymore if nothing will let me in?? I guess I deserve it since I shun everything myself.

    "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all??" HA!! What a crock of shit! Oh, it hurts too much, it burns.

    I figured talking to a professional would help, but i'm not that kind of a people person. They can't tame the ugly brute that dwells whithin me, but neither can I.

    Maybe I haven't suffered enough ...for someone to get a fuking clue how serious I am.

    In this world, caring and knowing too much is just way too fuking painful. So what's the fuking point, let's stop pretending like everything is going to be ok when that's a sugar-coated lie just to go through another fraudulent day. I'm not callous enough of a solipsist to simply shrug it off and live in utter fuking isolation like some kind of a shrub-eating hermit. Let's face it, people hurt other people to feed off on one another. There's no real mutual understandind, sharing, or love going on between anyone, they're just great at acting (here's a fuking reward for ye for being such a wonderful actor). Im weak, im so weak...im the living dead.

    I'm no good around these people in this house/cave. I should've never came into existence. (Did aliens put us on this fuking planet so we would take the role of a bunch of clueless specimens manipulated by out brain chemicals..while they sit back and watch just how fukd up we really are.) Oh, great. Finish me off, im not worth your time. Time, time, time, time... yet another human invention. There is NO TIME. TIME is an equivalence of a fairy wearing fuking boots and farting purple haze.

    Is it normal for me to shed so many sour lakes out of my eyes every single night? Sometimes i'm not even sure why it happens. I even want to avoid sleeping because my mind wont shut off.

    Dont leave me behind, because i'm coming right after you, my soulmate. All i have is you, dont you take YOU away from me, dont do it. I've burned so so so much for you, .. that you have no idea. Why cant we hold onto each other even tighter? Why must you drift away from me all the time... WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? Why must you be so vague and curt with your spiteful words that cut right through me when you spill all the self-criticism for me to deal with in my nightmarish head.

    i make myself sick, i hate myself so much. i wish i could have enough guts to slam my head through the monitor right now. god-fuking-damn it
  2. Zueri

    Zueri Well-Known Member

    aw, hon :hug:

    I can say I can relate about the "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all??" quote. Love is evil...

    As for suffering, enough is enough! People just tend to turn a blind eye to it, unless they are the ones in pain.

    I don't know much about your situation...but PM if you want to talk!

    More :hug: 's

    Hang in there!
  3. Spiraling

    Spiraling New Member

    thank you.

    wish i knew how to deal with pain, perhaps use it in a creative way like i used to cope with things. but now that all of it amassed the way it did, i just dont know how to crawl around it.
  4. Zueri

    Zueri Well-Known Member

    Ugh...know that feeling all too well...

    Wish I could do more to help...

    It's hard to dig yourself out of that spot, I know, but I'm sure you can do it! You seem to be a very strong person!