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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by smackh2o, Nov 2, 2010.

  1. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    everyone look at the happy person. well look at them smile. hang on a minute, why are you not smiling happy person? im used to seeing you smile.

    why do these people want to see me smile and whenever i show an emotion other than the fake one im so good at, they continually question me. i make me smile when i think of the one good reply i can think of when they ask me, "whats up with you?". im still alive you fuck. you know i get apprehensive of saying things, kinda repressed so bad. like people i may know on here may see a side they dont know, or the "place name heres" may see me shouting a gut wrenching hell. only the smiley person shines through. well maybe ill show them what a real smile looks like.

    this isnt what i want to say. i guess repression is tougher than depression
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I do know how this feels...it took me a while to start to reveal some more 'genuine' aspects of me...I felt so vunerable thinking about doing it, it scared me...now I am much more representing the person I think I am, the good the bad and the ugly, and at times, it is more painful, but the feeling of being more authentic is something I can hold on to...J
  3. smackh2o

    smackh2o SF Supporter

    I am worried now. These posts are meant for when i'm down and I need to vent. This time is different. I try to explain the situation but how can you do so when I don't even understand it myself? I am thankful you replied but this is now very bad.
    I'm lying on my bed after freaking out at my job at a pub and my friend chasing me down the road to comfort me. A pure act of weakness? Who knows, or cares. What does matter to me is that I felt nothing. My best friend was trying his hardest to get me back on the rails but when it boils down to it the depths are shallow. He talks about not being able to get a job and how I shouldnt let it get me down. Damn, this stuff all makes complete sense. But I already know it.
    I hide even my pain with pain so much that I can't remember what my pain is. How do you fix a broken...?