self confidence / self respect - being a loser

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lifeless84, Jul 19, 2015.

  1. lifeless84

    lifeless84 Well-Known Member

    I will try to keep it as short as possible. I'll focus on probably two most important aspects of human life: career and love. As all websites say that we are always more harsh for our selfs, that we are not such a big failure as we think we are, I'd like to ask for a comment whoever is willing to read it and write anything. So, some facts about myself:

    I've finished a University (Master's degree), Mechanical Engineering with pretty good grades, so that's something, people would consider as an achievement. Yet, after finishing it, thanks to my lack of confidence, I had problems getting a job. It took me nearly a year to find one and it was only because a friend of mine knew some people in the company. It was pretty good job, but involved a lot of people interaction. As I am very shy person, lacking self confidence, the job was very stressful for me, had problems learning new stuff and focusing on the job, so after about a year I gave it up. Another year of looking for a job, making and idiot of myself on interviews, I eventually started a job as a leaflet carrier as I needed money. It is OK, if you are a student or if it is an extra job to make some more money. But as a main job, heal not. And shit pay (still better than nothing). Of course, my confidence was gradually falling down. I was doing it for nearly two years, as with the help of a friend's friend I got a job in a manufacturing factory. I am working on a shop floor now. The job is simple, doesn't involve any particular skills or knowledge. Majority of workers have finished primary schools only. With a University degree, I am the only one. And of course, they were making jokes of me because of it. Fortunately, they grew tired of it. Now, after so many years, since I've finished the University, I consider it a wasted time, as I barely remember anything. So, from a guy with good education and high aspirations, you can say, I've nearly reached the bottom. And, as depression and anxiety have messed up with my mind and memory, there is no way out of this situation for me. I am just doomed to do a job I hate with people who consider ma a loser (they have a full right to it), as I do not have a strength to look for any other job and it is better than having no job and no many to pay bills, etc.

    About the love life...
    There has been no love life for me. I've never had a girlfriend. I've never kissed a girl. I've never had sex. I've been on three dates in my life and it was ages ago. All three of them went terribly wrong, so I eventually gave it up. There was one occasion, when I might have had a chance to actually kiss a girl in high school during Christmas. She approached me and hold a mistletoe over my head. I freaked out and started acting like an idiot who didn't know what she wanted. And I run away. Well, at least, everyone (except for me) had a fun for some time because of it.

    So, yes, I do consider myself a loser. Am I really to harsh for myself as the websites tell?? Or, are they all telling a bullshit and I do know myself well enough to state that one simple fact
    Don't hold yourself back...
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 19, 2015
  2. Northern

    Northern SF Supporter

    my story is incredibly similar but at some point i got a simple job in a big company. i realized there that almost every workers came with little knowledge and confidence. I made my way like the others and got a position that require intelligence but no social skills. don't give up. 6 years ago i was cleaning houses... now i have a great job.

    My love life is probably more hopeless than your as i have sexual problems. Still I think someone will love me one day. I understand the pain of being alone but do not give up. It's also a question of luck.

    Good luck and don't forget that you are far from being alone. So many people struggle with work and love.

    You are certainly not a loser, whatever that mean. Try to be happy, what others think don't mather.
  3. lifeless84

    lifeless84 Well-Known Member

    I know that about 80% of people, maybe even more, have it worse than I do. After all, I have a roof over my had, I do not suffer hunger, I've got a job, etc. And it makes me feel even worse... Think of all the people in Africa, South America, most Asia. How should I even complain about my life...

    Do you want to know what a loser means? I'll quote one of the characters from one of my favorite comics: it means, that if I was given 100 tasks with 50:50 chance of success, I would have failed in 99 of them.

    What others think does matter when you grew up in the environment where most of the things you were doing had to answer one question: What would 'someone' think, if you do this, if you do that. With time, you do not need anyone to ask you that question. It imprints in your head permanently and you ask yourself that question every time you do something. Of course, you do not count in the list of people, only others matter...

    I'll also let myself to quote Luke Havard: "If you've got BIG dreams, you'll NEVER be happy living a small life!"
    It correlates strongly to my childhood, as high aspirations were always put in front of me, resulting in me, giving myself often unachievable goals
  4. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    You make me feel worse. I have no job. I've worked maybe sum total 15 months. I've had small jobs I've done for people, but that amounts to mowing lawn. I've had some community college and grades were always good in school, but I just never cared. I got an associates, but that's worth peanuts. What matters more than school is ambition. And I have none of that. I'm motivated to escape into fantasies on my computer.

    And that's what it's all about. I never cared. I never was willing to put in the time to make a career. Too lazy. On top of that, socially I'm retarded. Like yourself, I'm shy. I was teased a lot in school because I couldn't communicate and act normally. I think my social equivalent to a normal person would be adolescent. So I'd fit right in as a freshman in highschool, socially. Problem is I'm almost 40 years old and can't go back to highschool to learn the ropes. I have no friends, except one person who I know because of family. The last time I had a close friend and was active with was gradeschool. I really have not been a bondable, likeable person at all. I'm not friendly.

    So I really hate myself. A lot. The philosophy I've nursed is bittersweet and gives just enough room for the anger. While there's lots of optimism on life and things in general, most of it's not centered on myself
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 23, 2015