Self Conscious

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Butterfly, Jun 25, 2012.

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  1. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Tonight I agreed to go swimming with my friend, reluctantly. I wanted to go swimming as it's one of my favourite things I like doing, but I haven't been since I started self harming again. Although I haven't cut for about 2 months, I have some very deep scars on my thighs which are very visible and stand out. As soon as I got into my swimsuit, I took one look at my legs and just wanted to cry. I felt so ashamed. Little kids and teenagers were staring at me, and I caught my friend looking when I was in the shower. I just wanted to hide, but there was nowhere to go. Something that I enjoy, turned into my worst nightmare. I have nobody to blame but myself for this. Just feel really down, upset and ashamed :(
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun don't be ashamed ok you did good to get out and go swimming the scars they are just that they are not you hun. hugs
     
  3. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    They are me though, and they will be apart of me for the rest of my life.
     
  4. BrinkOfExistence

    BrinkOfExistence Well-Known Member

    I've not been swimming for years due to my scars, I really miss it. I always find it really relaxing, what's worse is I can't take my kids swimming either because of it. Would swimming in the sea be any better? I imagine it would be much easier to distance yourself from other people and when you get out you can run to your towel and get covered up. Although saying that the sea in Britain is always cold and my scars turn purple when exposed to the cold, which is incredibly visible. :sad:
     
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    I don't live anywhere near the Sea unfortunately here in Derbyshire. Closest place is Skeggy for me and that is a trek. It's horrible, because swimming is my favourite thing, I might see if I can go when it is quiet and not many people there so I get less stares.
     
  6. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    I worry about this too. I haven't been swimming in years because of the appearance of my arms.

    I had a thought, though. Diving shops and surfing shops sell wetsuits in whole or in parts. So, depending on where your scars are, you could get a long sleeved wetsuit top to cover arms. A set of wetsuit shorts that extend to the knee to cover thighs. That sort of thing. I'm thinking about getting a wetsuit top to cover my arms.
     
  7. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I get the feeling. I cannot wear long sleeved shirts because of the deepness of the scars.
     
  8. DAL

    DAL Member

    I know exactly how you feel. I have a collection of scars from over the years, my arms look the worst. Swimming used to be one of my favourite activities too, I was even one of the best in my class, until I started self harming. My friend also made me feel self concious when I went swimming last summer, I just wish the people we are close to would make us feel more accepted instead of isolated :(
     
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