Self-destruct

[hammockmonkey]

It seems like when I finally feel like I'm moving forward I just like to stop. Take two steps back. I made deans list for the past two semesters, first time I've done that. This semester I have a 30% average for one class, a 0% for another and a 70% in another, and no grade for my last class. I'm supposed to be writing an 8 page midterm, but instead I'm 9 beers in on a 12 pack and looking at a bottle of vodka to top them. I have class at 830 tomorrow morning were I'm supposed to lead a discussion, I haven't done any of the readings. I'm supposed to graduate this semester, if I could get at least a 3.0 this semester than grad school would still be a possibility, if I don't basically I'll never be able to get in.

I'm blowing off my girl too, everytime she calls I send it to voicemail. Sometimes I'll text back, mostly I don't.

 

[*dilligaf*]

Hey Monkey :hug:

Any idea what's caused the change in your grades? Is there a chance you could talk to your teachers and maybe get some extra help?

As for your GF, why do you keep blowing her off?

Hope you feel better soon :hug:

 

[hammockmonkey]

Thanks sam, i had to drop one class cuz there was no way i could pass. i missed one test in another now so i might have to fail it cuz i can't drop and go below 12 hours. the other two i've gotten some help in and worked a little with the profs. it's hard for me because i'm so embarrassed of being 'depressed', i don't like to use it as a crutch or to let people actually know about it.

my girl . . . i don't want to let her know how fucked up i am, you know? i just want to be normal with her and have fun and be normal. to admit to what goes on in my head to others just seems like it would make it more real than it is.