Self Destruction vs Preservation

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ~Nobody~, Jun 18, 2007.

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  1. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    I have this crazy idea that I will go all out this summer, drink what I like, smoke what I like, go where I like when I like, do whatever I want to, all the time. Then make use of one of these fucking cliffs before results day.

    I am not suicidal because of my exams. But I want to end on a high note, not after hearing I failed everything and having everyone tell me how much I suck, everyone talk to me differently - it's bad enough as it is.

    Then I have the thought of sticking around, saying Fuck You All to everybody, writing a novel and living off the dole money drinking absinthe til I become a best seller (which would probably be post-humously). :dry:

    What's the point in this life? The everyday grind. Do this so that you can do this so that you can do this so that you can do this so that you can die a rich woman with grandchildren and shit like that. What the fuck is the point? Life is a waste of time, why fight death? I am misunderstood and I always will be. There's no bright future for me. Maybe there should have been, but there definitely isn't now, either way.

    I feel that I have let you all down. I can't do anything right. I don't even know why I'm posting. I guess this will be my last thread. There's no sense in this existance, it's impossible to be truly happy.

    This morning I got high with my friend, in my dad's back garden (he was out). That was good, I felt at ease. Now I am no longer high reality's back. If I were intoxicated all the time I might not have this problem, but that's not feasable is it. I am never happy for long. Just when I think things are on the up I ALWAYS come crashing back down to earth.

    I am going to fuck up my exam tomorrow, I'm going to fuck up every single one of them. I know this, truly I do, and at this stage in the game it's too late to do anything about that. Yet I cannot drink (though I really, really want to), just in case my boyfriend's mum notices and thinks I just don't give a flying fuck about these exams. Frankly I don't, there's no point.

    No point in anything. At all. Why the fuck should I bother? What is there?!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 18, 2007
  2. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Yeah. I'm probably not helping, but I just wanted to say that I see so much of myself in this.

    As misunderstood as you think you are, I, for one, get it.

    I know how you feel, and I can't seem to really find a solution or a worthy distraction for any of it, either.

    Just know you're understood and thought about.

    I'm 'round if I can do anything at all. xx
     
  3. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    :hug: Thank you, it's appreciated.

    Seems you're the only one...

    I'm going to open a bottle, sod everything.
     
  4. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni


    Damn. Sometimes the inside of a bottle is the most comfortable place to be. It sucks 'cause it's not even all-too-comfortable in itself. Sorry it's like that for you. :sad: Again, I'm here. :hug: Be careful.
     
  5. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Again, thank you so much for the reply and for sounding like you understand me to some extent :hug: It's reassuring, though I don't know why. I don't want anyone else to feel the way I do.

    I drank a lot and fell asleep, pretty much just got out of bed. Leaving for this exam in two hours - ha ha. :dry:
     
  6. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Hope the exam treated you well --or as well as it would be willing (exams suck, I know, especially when you've got other things to deal with... but remind yourself that they're just tests, and you're smart. I'm sure you've done better than the majority of people could even claim to do, even if you didn't do as well as you wanted).

    Glad something could make you sleep for awhile, put the thoughts away for a bit. That's needed sometimes.

    Best of wishes with everything. xx
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 19, 2007
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