Self Destruction

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Brittless, Jun 28, 2016.

  1. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    I wonder what can be considered self harm. I know I have a self destruct button. I know that I sometimes say and do hurtful things to hurt myself, because I'm a little addicted to the pain if I'm honest. I have to feel something, anything. If I don't, I don't feel alive. I feel numb. But then I feel like shit and alone when I push people away.

    But I don't know if mentally screwing myself up is self harm...

    And what's worse is pain isn't all I feel anymore. It's sadness. It wells up even at the simplest of moments like when a sad song plays, or something bad happens to a character in a movie.. I feel really sensitive. Like good god, crying at movies? My old self would look down upon this.

    Is that a sign of getting better or getting worse? And how do I turn these almost tears off? How do I feel things without becoming too emotionally overwhelmed? It's either one extreme or the other. I'm either numb or I'm a bawling mess. Can't I just be a balanced, happy calm weirdo like I used to be?
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Causing yourself pain intentionally, I would consider that to be self-harm.

    Are you on medication or seeing a doctor?
  3. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    No, none of the above. Not for my mind anyway.
  4. outlander

    outlander Member

    As you know I have experienced this recently.

    To be honest I think it is a sign of being worse because (going by my recent experiences) what you describe (tearfulness over things you know aren't even reality) happened to me at the lowest I've been in a long time.

    How to stop it? Well, I didn't take pills, exercise etc etc. It only stopped (very recently) when my real life situation improved.

    If it is what you might call your 'index problem', or the main reason you found yourself here, then it would suggest that improving that problem would stop the emotions you describe.

    I'm sorry if that isn't much help, I know it seems hopeless which is the whole point, but have you really explored every possible solution?

    Medication, clinical trial, cbt, acupuncture, hypnosis, religious introspection....anything must be worth a shot.

    I think the tearfulness is a way for your mind (our minds) to let off abit of the pressure in order to function day to day.
  5. Brittless

    Brittless All I loved I loved alone...

    I haven't explored these options yet but I plan to. I really do, I don't plan on giving up until I do everything I possibly can to help myself.
    Yeah you may be right about it being a sign of getting worse, but before I was an emotional shrub so I figured something had to give until I felt something, everything it seems all at once. But it might just be a sign of my body being reallllly stressed out. Anyway thanks for replying. I'm glad your life situation has improved. :)