Self destruction

#21
Just a random question/thought.
Nothing is wrong (that I know of), I'm not sad, not happy. Nothing has happened. Yet today somehow I am self harming (I'm not addicted), I'm self medicating to a point where I'm pushing my limits, and taking stupid risks.
Yet, Nothing is wrong?

Does anyone else do these self destructive, senseless things for absolutely no reason at all?

I'm just trying to understand myself a little I guess.
Hey,

This has happend to me several times. It almost seems like I enjoy the pain.
Lately I have lost my appetite and I barely eat and I have been loosing so much weight.
One of my friends realized what was happening and she looked at me and asked me why I was doing this to myself. I told her I didn't know why. It just felt normal. She then said "You are doing this because you have found another way to punish and hurt yourself."
That opened my eyes somehow.



Hope you are doing alright. Thinking of you.
 

Catch_22

Well-Known Member
#22
Thank you, the self destruction period has passed now and I'm actually feeling pretty good. I think, now that I feel good, that I do it to hurt. I think I need/ want to hurt bad and so that's why I do it. Anything on a deeper level, I just don't know.
This happens here too. I have parts who do it to hurt me, do it to redirect pain and create a pain I can tolerate..and also because parts hate me and want me to hurt (comes from abuse ).
 

Catch_22

Well-Known Member
#23
I guess I kinda do the same thing, but with essentially just choosing not to sleep. Like, sometimes, I'll just feel like staying up longer even when I'm really tired and I never know why. Basically did that exact thing today; I should have been asleep hours ago. Definitely will make a start now, but yeah...
I wish I knew why I get like this.
I do this too and first time I've seen anyone acknowledge it's a form of selfharm.
 

Catch_22

Well-Known Member
#24
Hey,

This has happend to me several times. It almost seems like I enjoy the pain.
Lately I have lost my appetite and I barely eat and I have been loosing so much weight.
One of my friends realized what was happening and she looked at me and asked me why I was doing this to myself. I told her I didn't know why. It just felt normal. She then said "You are doing this because you have found another way to punish and hurt yourself."
That opened my eyes somehow.



Hope you are doing alright. Thinking of you.
Maybe at some point we adapt to it and that makes it feel normal
 

Holding my breath

SF Pro
SF Supporter
#25
Denying yourself anything deliberately that your body requires to be healthy is definitely self harm in my understanding. Denying yourself nice food or food altogether, sleep, meds etc. Self harm is not just cutting it can come in a variety of forms. Any thing that causes you harm or more distress.
For me, I will deliberately take meds which will keep me awake most of the night, in fact I misuse meds all the time. Don’t take the ones I’m supposed to take, take extras that I shouldn’t and I’ve been doing it for over a year now. I have told the mental health team and their concern is an accidental fatal overdose or long term damage. Unfortunately that is not a deterrent for me. I take them because I want to take the risk and I have absolutely no idea how to stop. My logical mind tells me simply not to do it. But every day on impulse I do. I’ve done it before and it was fine so I’ll do it again type of thinking. Who needs to know? I won’t be allowed back to work until I stop doing it. Wow! That’s huge. Just acknowledging this. I have this within my control and yet I still can’t do it! Ok, this line of thinking takes me into a spiral so I’ll stop there. Anyway. Definitely self destructive.
 

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