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Self Esteem: Getting it, finding it and keeping it.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Aurora Gory Alice, Oct 26, 2009.

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  1. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    What are some ways a person can work on their self esteem?

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Thats hard because if you have been told long enough how stupid and invalid you are it is hard to undo this. I suppose joining activities you do well in or enjoy. Do small task that one knows they will do well at. Little things then work up to bigger accomplishments.
  3. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    Try affirmations, like 'I am a good person', 'I am intelligent', things like that. Group Therapy is good also, although I have never done it. I need to improve my self esteem, and I agree with violet that it's hard after years of people saying that I'm stupid or worthless or anything like that, which I know that I'm not, but has killed my self esteem nonetheless.
  4. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    It annoys me so much how our emotional state can be determined by other people.

    You guys are so right about how years of derogatory words have killed any self esteem we may have had... for a lot of us. It's definitely a pattern on here.

    It just annoys me so much. I mean it's any wonder more people don't have social anxiety, when it's other people that've done this to us.
    But alas... can't live with 'em - can't live without 'em.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Interesting thread!! I will be curious about the replies.. My self esteem is zip!!!
  6. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    Some of the ways I've been told to improve self esteem-

    1) Stop demanding that everything you do has to be perfect. Mistakes will always happen and are actually beneficial when to comes to learning new things and can be character building. Don't limit yourself to the same old routine, just because you fear failure.

    2) Set worthwhile goals. Worthwhile goals being ones that are achievable, that benefit you and that give you cause to motivate yourself into doing things that you've held off.

    3) Take responsibility for your own happiness. Letting others dictate your quality of life, is the same as living as a slave. Get away from the negative influences surrounding you and work towards a better life for yourself.

    4) Be aware of your negative thoughts and feelings. Whatever first caused your low self esteem is just the tip of the iceberg compared to the constant reenforcement of your own thought patterns. When you realize that you're stuck in that vicious circle and that it is the main reason for your low self image, it puts the control back into your own hands. Whenever you feel yourself going down a negative path, choose to stop it and move on to something else.

    5) Compete against yourself, not other people. You'll get more worth out of improving your life for one day, then you will from living a lifetime of envy.
  7. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Those were brilliant John!
  8. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend


    Great thread linds. :)
  9. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    I recommend to read "the secret" book...& be positive.
    there is saying I love:"Winning doesn’t always mean 1st; winning means u r doing better than u've done before"
    & remmber:"if u see it in ur mind, u r goin to hold in ur hand"
    anyway if nothing work there r saying means is try to have good self-steem but if u dont then fack it :(...its better than nothing...u can at lest other people see u in a good way...and belive me it will work if u fack it...i fack self-steem and everybody think iam
  10. jacknife

    jacknife Guest

    You realize you're attempting to brainwash yourself by doing this, right?

    You're trying so hard to forget that humanity (and you, as a part of humanity) are insignificant. I would advise against this, as you'll become conflicted when the truth presents itself again and again throughout life.

    The only self-esteem needed is the realization that others are worth no more than you are. Once you've accepted this, take the humility with a grain of humor, and live your life. Do yourself a favor and don't delude yourself with this self-help bullshit. You don't want to become one of those mindless drones with transparent, inflated egos.
  11. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    It's similar to the third point I made in my last post. Everyone is subject to outside influences and ideals. No behaviors or notions are created in a vacuum. The only way we can enact our free will is by choosing which of those influences we accept and which of them we reject.

    Gaining self esteem isn't about replacing "realistic" pessimism (that many on SF tend to have) or a negative world view, with an equally unrealistic level of idealism. Call it brainwashing if you must but if it counts as brainwashing, then so does almost every human act. If anything, improving self esteem is the reversal of previous conditioning that has managed to prevent people from living their lives to the fullest.
  12. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Who says I don't want to become one of those mindless drones with a transparent, inflated ego? Speak for yourself! :rofl:
  13. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Kidding about my previous post but I've got to ditto this.
    How is what you are saying (Jacknife) any different to what we are saying? Your conditioning has forged your opinion there, and that is the current opinion of many of us.
    I would say it is YOU who is brainwashed.

    If humanity is so insignificant, why are you on a suicide forum?
  14. jacknife

    jacknife Guest

    Both constructive praise and criticism should be welcomed. Meaningless praise should have no more influence than meaningless insults. But it's very important for people to form proper distinctions between these. I see a lot of self-help exercises involving meaningless praise, and I very much doubt it would help most people. There's certainly no quick path to enlightenment, it's a long path of hard work, pain, suffering, challenges. Why shrink away from negativity when we can learn to embrace it and use it to improve ourselves?
  15. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Nobody is talking about offering up meaningless praise here. But it also depends on what you construe to be meaningless?

    While I agree that criticism should be welcomed (because without it you can form an unhealthy view of yourself and everything has it's ying and yang, with praise comes critique), I also feel on a site like this, where people have spent most of their lives being downtrodden, there is nothing wrong with building someone up and giving them a stronger chance of fighting back at the critique next time it appears.

    If someone burns down a house easily the first time, you don't rebuild it with the same crappy materials that allowd it to burn down so easily the first time do you? No, you build it up stronger before you let people live in it, to give it a fighting chance. (haha me and my rubbish analogies).
  16. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    the worst enemy of self-steem is compare yourself of others...it complitly destroy it...i know it...cos its eat me alive...try as posible to avoid it
  17. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I agree Bubblin Girl. Comparing yourself to others is what fucks us up! Which is why I agree with what John said "if you feel you have to compete, compete against yourself. Use your own achievements as the measuring post, not everybody elses".
  18. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Also I think which adds into what Jacknife said.

    I suppose yes, this could be one day to build yourself up. But if it were that easy, surely we would've all done it by now?
  19. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    All 5 make a lot of sense to me. I have problems with point 1 at times, but Im trying to incorperate all 5 of those methods into my daily life. Thx for posting that. :)
  20. suicider628

    suicider628 Well-Known Member

    ACCOMPLISEMENTS! Anything from small to big, like "i ran 5 mile today!" " i got 100 on my test!" "i volunteered at the food bank!"
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