I keep returning to this idea that I know I will end up killing myself one day. I arrive @ this conclusion after I begin ruminating over some past events with people I believe have ill thoughts of me. I keep trying to recommit myself to focusing on ways to improve my life. However, when I go into one of these episodes where I am convinced I must start preparing for my doom, it takes quite awhile to get back to being focused on a recovery mode. I will continue to try to reframe my ruminations. I shall persevere & transcend the self fulfilling prophecy.