Self Harm Addiction. [may trigger]

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Panda13, May 11, 2011.

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  1. Panda13

    Panda13 Active Member

    So today I had a realisation.
    I've been reading on the internet about self harm today. Mainly because I slashed my leg to shit earlier.
    I found out that there are like subconscious forms of self harm, that I do ALL the time.
    For example
    Biting skin around fingers/cuticles
    Scratching my arms hard
    Ripping my hair out
    Biting my knuckles
    Smoking essessively
    All these things I do when I'm down, they feel like normal things though when I'm depressed.
    I do smoke, but when I'm depressed I smoke atleast twice the amount I would normally.

    Is this an addiction to it?..
    I find when I self harm. like cut, I get this surge of adrenaline. I feel really happy.
    Heck today I've pretty much been crying all day and then I cut and suddenly I'm laughing at the site of my own cuts and blood.
    I was having a smoke earlier and I for some reason thought it would be a good idea to touch the burning tip and burn my finger.

    I don't know what I'm trying to get accross here... but I would quite like some help, advice, stories of similarity. Anything like that

    Typing this I feel really numb. I kinda wanna do it again...
     
  2. Push

    Push Well-Known Member

    Maybe I should look up about self-harm, I do or have done those thing also. I quit smoking though so that's one down. I used to bite my nails until literally there was no nail left all the way up until where they start. I still pull and bite my cuticles.

    I think self harming is addictive. At least it is for me, I know I need to stop but I feel I need to reach a certain point before I can. I like the release, it makes me feel better when I do it. Gives me a rush kind-of.

    I've been SHing for years off and on. My lastest stint started 5 or 6 months ago and is happening almost daily since then. I know that I can quit I've done it before I just have to get to the point where I say hey I need to quit hurting myself if I want to try to continue to get better. But I'm not there yet, and for now it's something I need to do. I guess I'm the type of person who needs something to be addicted too.

    I love watching the blood run. Even during those times that I don't SH I still think about it alot.

    I hope you and all of us find a way to stop hurting ourselves. :hug:
     
  3. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    I can add a few more such as picking at scabs and pulling off dead dry skin on my lower lip. Technically these are forms of self harm, but to me these are habits I have always done. I have not done them to self harm. Rather what is true self harm the habits we have always done or those things we do to deliberately self harm. I personally do not report to my therapist scab picking and pulling dead dry skin on my lower lip as self harm.
     
  4. Monoka

    Monoka Well-Known Member

    When you harm yourself you brain releases endorphins to block the pain. like any drug these endorphins can become addictive.
    The real pain is often also more controllable than the mental pain. make a note of what your doing when you notice your subconsciously harming yourself- see if you can see a pattern of triggers.

    take care
     
  5. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    I've always done these things too, along with picking at my nails and cuticles.

    It started as habit, but now it makes me feel better, too. Which is probably not a good thing, but there's something so satisfying about giving myself any kind of pain.

    And it's easier than cutting myself. :/
     
  6. Gab

    Gab Member

    I pick the skin around my nails til it bleeds... I've always done that.
     
  7. Panda13

    Panda13 Active Member

    Yeah that is very true. Horrible habbits though because at least if your cutting you can hide it yet you can't really hide bleeding, gross looking fingers/finger nails :/ I wish I could stop it to be honest
     
  8. Panda13

    Panda13 Active Member

    I never thought of that
    I suppose I do these things when either I'm deep in thought, having an argument/being lectured or when I havn't had a smoke in a while heh..
    I never realised that the endorphines is to block the pain though, thanks for that fact :)
     
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