Self harm and work

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by whybother?, Aug 14, 2014.

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  1. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    I self harmed for about 2 years, Was every hour of every day so my whole left arm is covered in old scars, I work at a supermarket and I've had supervisors, co workers and customers asking me about them, I just say its nothing and either try and change the subject or walk away quickly. Now I've started to self harm again (not in the same area as before, somewhere where no one can see) I'm very jumpy whenever someone touches my arm in case they reopen a cut or feel a fresh cut on my arm, I'm good friends with my supervisor and she's helped me with personal stuff before but she use to get angry with me and confronted me about my cuts when i use to do it before..its only a matter of time before she finds the new cuts :( I went 4 years without doing it and in the last week i must of done it about 4 times.. I can't concentrate on anything i just want to do it all the time :'( Ive done it twice when i was at work but luckily no one noticed the blood stain on my work shirt as its red and white

    I find myself not wanting help i enjoy self harming, it makes me feel happy (I'm not saying anyone should start) So why should i stop? no one close to me knows I'm doing it so I'm not hurting them so fuck it!
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You are hurting you ok there are better ways to cope use them hugs
     
  3. whybother?

    whybother? Well-Known Member

    I've been on this site for almost 10 years I've tried everything to help cope with self harm but here i am with cuts on my arm..
     
  4. Nemo

    Nemo Well-Known Member

    You yourself have said you managed not to cut for 4 years, which is something to really be proud of. Using self harm as a way to keep yourself happy is very dangerous, because it becomes very addictive and you won't be able to stop again in future. Do what you can to make yourself happier in other, healthier, ways and let them help you cope. Do you have a therapist or someone you can talk to? Perhaps someone you don't work with?
    You've explained you find is distressing when people see/ask about your cuts and you said your supervisor will find out eventually, so there's a reason to stop at least.
    Believe it or not, those who care about you are hurt by you self harming, especially if they do not understand it, which it sounds as if your supervisor is having trouble with. This may be why she became angry with you for doing it before, so don't blame her, just try to help her understand. If you can, she could help you recover, and notice when you're in a bad way and help support you through that time.
    Please try to stay safe, there is every reason to give up!
     
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