Self Harm: Before you self harm, Read this

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by jaicee, Apr 27, 2005.

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  1. jaicee

    jaicee Guest

    ....before you make that first cut remember:
    You will enjoy this.
    You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
    Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep,
    And will heal easily ...
    They will get deeper.
    They will scar.
    They will sometimes take months to heal.
    And years for the scars to fade.
    If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body,
    Think again...
    It will spread when you run out of skin.
    Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
    Even if you are the most honest person ever to live ....
    You will find yourself lying to the people you love.
    You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
    You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth
    of your shirt, or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
    Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
    Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....Be prepared for your
    entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting ..cutting and
    covering up cutting.
    And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
    And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
    And you are gasping....
    And you feel yourself shaking all over.
    You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't
    tell anyone.
    So you sit there alone...
    Praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far
    But you will, and further.
    Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that
    you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
    And the better you get at treating your cuts the deeper they get.
    You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself
    spending 20, 30 or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
    You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the
    counter to ring up your order.
    Butterfly strips...
    3 or four different kinds of dressings...
    Antibiotic cream..
    Medical tape..
    Scar reducers.....
    You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move
    and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
    And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice...
    Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same
    Someone who understands but of course that never happens.
    Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
    Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe...
    Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots... gloves.. the list goes on and on.
    You will start looking at everyone in a different way...
    Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI...
    Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
    You wont even think about it ..
    As your eyes scan their wrists + arms...
    Hoping just hoping they will be like you....
    But they are not.
    You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
    You will start doing a lot of things alone.
    You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.
    You will always be cleaning up the blood..
    Scrubbing your bathroom floor...
    Wiping the blood of your keyboard...
    You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting....
    Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
    When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting
    tool ...scissors...a car key...a needle ... a paperclip..even a pen.
    Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will
    find something.
    Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
    Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops. A
    normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
    Get ready to itch.
    Because you will itch and itch ..."so much you will look like you
    have fleas or a skin disease."
    You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully..
    You will dream about cutting...
    you will dream about being exposed.
    It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will
    wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting...
    At the same time, you love it and can't live with out it...
    3 people like this.
  2. hatelife

    hatelife Active Member

    Wish i had read this over two years ago, maybe then things would be different know, but the strange thing for me is that I hide from the public but not from my friends or now i do but before they new. strange thing is I carry what I need all the time, strange thing is i dont look at the scares as a shame but there is an unexplainable feeling rising up in me. It should be something that I can stop but it has be come part of a days work. i tell my mates when they find out that im in control and its better then if i was to do something like overdose but is it better. am i still in control.

    thanks for the warning you have written. the question is is it to late for some or is there help out there!!!!
  3. this thing is amazing...

    i put it on my lj

    and its on my wall, although i do not know why
  4. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    Wow, that's.... beautiful!

    I'm printing this out and it's going on my wall too!

    How did you come up with it?
  5. GhostOfYou

    GhostOfYou Well-Known Member

    I wish I had read this, too, 6 months ago befor I started doing all the thins I do to myself. I saw it on another forum, it's really usefull. :) thank-you for that. All of it was really true, and I saw alot of myself in it..
  6. Ronnoc3

    Ronnoc3 Active Member

    I wish i had read this before i started, its all true and if i had read this warning it mite have stopped me
  7. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    I don't think so. I think, unless you could see it for yourself, you would have done it anyway. Just hearing about it isn't enough.
  8. lostcat95

    lostcat95 Guest

    that's deap
  9. Tears_of_blood

    Tears_of_blood Well-Known Member

    i think what you have rote is really awesome i self harm and it really made me think it also made me cry as it is so true i have printed it off an i used it as my public speech because i wanted people to know what it is like to cut yourself and i thought what better way then with these words so tnx u for posting it it has really helped me see things in a new light thank you again xxx
  10. That was really touching. i have a freind that self harms a lot. i do it .. but not as much anymore. she thinks i dont understand but i do. i've been there before. i wished she knew that that will happen to her coz im really worried about her. i dont want her to get to my state when she feels life is a nightmare and everyday i wished that i didnt wake up. thank you x
  11. vic

    vic New Member

    That was so true. I do feel all alone. Its the perfect piece of literature that covers every aspect of self harming. I too wish I had read it, but I always learn the hard way. But, in the end I could care less of what I do to myself. I hate this life and hope I never have to wake up, never feel pain. A person cannot feel like this and keep living.
  12. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    omg this is EXACTLY what life is like for me.

    i didnt realise until i read this.


    ive got so bad now. my drawers are just full of old and new bandages, as i have to wait till my bin is full so i can throw them away and ensure they are hidden

    i keep my blades in the back of mobile, so they are always with me.

    im forever finding black clothes and cloth to let the blood drip onto.

    ive ended up in a&e
    every new cut needs to be deeper than the last

    this is my life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 13, 2007
  13. I am sorry but it is to late for me I know that and now you know
  14. Ashes

    Ashes Member

    This is one of the most fantastic things i have ever read.

    And unfortunately i read it a year too late.

    Luckily, now I consider myself a "noncutter". Its been about a year, minus one or two small relapses (if that makes sense). But as anyone who has done it knows, even if you've "quit", it never really leaves you. It never leaves your mind, and will always be an obsession in the back of your mind. Quitting was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life, and there are time, even while i read this, that i wish i still had it, even though i hated it. Your post was full of so much truth, and written so perfectly, I wonder what it would have been like if i had never started in the first place. i hope it helps others.
  15. Thanks, I wish I read this before I started cutting...
  16. Henry-hmm

    Henry-hmm Member

    I've never done it and after reading that probably never will... Very graphical... Thanks..
  17. xxx myaku

    xxx myaku Member

    scary how much i can relate to that
    doesn't change my mind or anything
  18. grei

    grei Well-Known Member

    Thank you, I've recently been fearing that I'm going to start cutting. You may have stopped me from doing something I'd regret for the rest of my life..
  19. whynotme?

    whynotme? Well-Known Member

    feel like i am repeating others' statements but that is my life. wish a peice of lierature could change that, but, maybe, it can't. no way of changing.
  20. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    I've been thinking of starting to cut recently and this post is holding me back. I hope this post is enough cuz everytime I go to the store I want to buy razors and bandaids.
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