Self Hatred Getting in the way

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by tappa, Feb 4, 2011.

  1. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    Im A virgin and i know its kinda natural to be scared and apprehensive of sex. However there is this girl im getting really close to (im bi) but i have really bad self hatred issues and the idea of sharing my body with someone or someone even lookin at my body..make me feel physically sick.
    It really gets in the way. I couldnt have fallen for a nicer girl she doesnt mind at all but she is very experience so i dont want her to be with me and not have sex. I no its good that she's experienced because she has seen many people. but she has also had some very good sexual partners that have pleased her a lot (we talk about stuff openly lol) .
    I just feel so guilty about my issues. Its horrible. and i scared its never going to go away. I hate the idea of us having sex and her having sex with this hideous person. Its just not fair on her :(
    I really need to lose weight and tone up.
    But i have NO motivation whatsoever.
    I need a personal trainer or something.
    Anyone know where i can get one for free lol.
    Sorry for the rant at the end of this when im nervous and anxious i type a lot.!!
  2. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    she probably understand ;) and in the end, when you decide to do it, you'll see that all those fears weren't based on anything real, cause she won't see you as hideous person, but the way you are, which is the opposite. ;)

    but it is best if you feel good about yourself, so you should accept yourself for who you are. :)
    lol, but have no idea about trainers, sorry :p
  3. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    So she returns these feelings for you?

    If she really likes you, she will want to be with you regardless of your experience, or in this case, lack of.

    Like Romancer said, she won't see you as a hideous person, that is just how yoou see yourself.

    Just take your time getting to know each other and spending time together and worry about sex when/if it gets to that.
  4. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    Haha cheers i know shes great :p
    ..I just dont want to be hideous anymore, i want to be someone worthy of being with her.
    About 4 years ago i was proper fit and loved it, and it made me feel ok about myself, i wish she could have that person i was back then.
    But when it comes to doing the exercise its just so friggin impossible with my depression.
    Like normally with gaining fitness, these things can motivate you, but everything just demotivates me its so fucking annoying !!! :mad: :dry:
  5. LillMy8989

    LillMy8989 Well-Known Member

    Dont be worried, when it gets hot, hotter... nothing but love is going to matter. Just have a real long foreplay(remember nothing in its way, just LOVE!), if anything troubles, talk to her, be sure there's nothing to be afraid of, your body its a complete copy of everybody else and can make love like everybody else, Take in!

    What I think you should do is be talking to someone about your 'problems', why is that? And so on... What happened for example, has is always been like it had?? Do you have the answers for it? Talk to someone/her
  6. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    I dont really have any reason for my self hatred. fine upbringing and all tht. no abuse no real bullying or anything. always had friends etc..
    It would be cool to see someone about my self hatred but i dont see who i could see. like a councillor maybe but there is no underlying issues (not that i know of)
    As for my body being a copy of anyone elses, i know its true as in the way it works. but looks-wise. she deserves so much better than me.
    Now when we are together dont get me wrong i love her to bits and jus wana be with her in every way but when we get close i jus feel physically hideous almost feel sick for her having to touch me.
    Im not good enough for her and its not even motivation enough to change!!!
    Any got any other ways of getting back into exercise and getting fit?! Im jus such a let down i can spend hours on here moaning about it but wont do anything about it :mad: :mad: :mad: :cry:
  7. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    You don't need 'underlying issues' to have to see someone about it. The fact that it causes issues in your life is reason enough to go see someone about it. A psychologist would be able to talk things out with you.

    I honestly know what you mean when you say, she could do better or deserves better...but the fact is, she chose you. That has to count for something.

    I don't have any advice regarding getting fit because it's something i struggle with too.
  8. the_only_one

    the_only_one Well-Known Member

    dont let that get in the way. she loves you you love her. no matter what you two look like its all out of love. i mean im sorta in the same situation, minus the sex, too young only 16. but ive been datingt this girl for over 2 years and she is beautiful, and then thee is me. and i feel bad, i feel likei deserve way less than her. but i know that she chose me.
  9. tappa

    tappa Well-Known Member

    I need to lose weight so bad. i need to stop eating all the time. i comfort eat so much. last nite i spent the evening thinkin about going to the shop to buy food..i tried telling myself that it wont help that my time would b better spent on doing some exercise..or just not buyin and eating didnt work. :cry:
    Im 2.5stone heavier than i should b.
    I wana starve myself on a liquid diet but i no i end up binging afterwards :(
    so now im getting tempted to start getting into bulemia. I went through it for (luckily) only a few months a few years ago. But i know it works. And the fact tht its bad is kinda a bonus because i can punish myself at the same time.
    Dunno why im sayin this mayb its the part it y head sayin its bad and doesnt want me to but i cant live in myself the way i am. With my head the way it is it just gives me an even more reason to put myself down