It's odd to hate myself for no apparent reason, no emotional triggers, no mental triggers. In fact, my life is coming along quite swimmingly. Little things. Such as nightmares of when I was gang raped at 14, or when I first self-injured, even my first suicide attempt, these all crawl into my mind when I don't want them to. What if my attackers had hurt me? Or worse? What if someone found out about my self-injury the first time I did it, would I still be this messed up? And my first suicide attempt, instead of being locked up in a psych ward, what if I was 6 feet under? Just a lot on my mind tonight and I can't find my voice to talk to people about it, other than on this forum. I just don't want people in my own life freaking out about my feelings and immediately call the police like they have before. I just want someone unfamiliar, as odd as it sounds, that may share feelings of self hatred that creep up out of nowhere, or even from some type of external triggers. Either way.