self hatred seems to fuel my 'need' to harm myself. i get so angry because i can't hold it together. it's not like anyone would even notice. i am alone. no job. no one expecting me to be anywhere or do anything. i live far out of town so no one would even notice if i did hurt myself. it would be months before anyone is really in my life again. i don't understand where my hatred comes from. i just know that i can't do anything right and it doesn't even matter any more.the excuses i used to have for not hurting myself don't exist anymore. i am alone.