self help books makes me depressed

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by isitme87, Dec 19, 2011.

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  1. isitme87

    isitme87 Member


    I'd want to share one thing - just to see if I am the only one with such a problem or not. Well, it's not really a problem.

    In short everytime I got free evening with internet connection I start to read some kind of self-help books. Like how to overcome shyness, socialphobia, depression. I am not claiming that I have any of those - I stay away from any medical 'help' as they call it. And every time they make me really anxious, feeling worthless etc. I want to smash the computer which I never do - I just cut myself or beat myself or sth like that.

    Idk why it is this way - but well I guess it's my fault, as I guess I read something different then it's written.
    For instance:
    It's is good to learn how to love yourself + all the tips = If I am not 'loving myself' means I am worse then others, unnormal and so stupid that I haven't been doning any of those tips.
    Do not escape from the situation that makes you anxious + blah blah blah = you are sick and unnormal to do so and you must face the situations no matter how miserably and anxious they make me feel - anyway how they expect anyone having problems with anxiety to socialize - I bet they have no idea what they are writting about
    Sport is a great cure for depression = if you are depressed it's your fault, you got to do some sport unless you are not too dumb or handicapped; all the 'normal' people do so and as long as you won't start acting as stated then it's obvioulsy because you are sick, unnormal etc.

    and so on

    Is it that I only have such a problems reading any self-help books or anyone have such a thing too?
  2. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    No, I have felt that, too, most recently with a Cognitive Behavior Theory book. I happen to think that the premise of the book is sound, and probably works for many people.
    It's just that I had issues with some of the exercises, as well as the sub-title of the book, maybe another time I'll be receptive to it.

    I think a lot of self help books are written from outside - that the author has not actually experienced the emotion to the depth that we have. I'll make an exception for some grief/loss books I've read.

    Keep posting here, I think many of us can actually give support from the viewpoint of ones that have lived it.
  3. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    You know, come to think of it I don't believe I have ever read a self help book. I always sort of assumed that they are all poorly written cash grabs for sale on grocery store aisles. :huh:
  4. Obsessive

    Obsessive Well-Known Member

    The problem with most of the self-help books out there is that in the end all they really do is identify the thoughts, behaviors, and attitudes of genuinely happy, healthy people and say, "You should become more like them, do what they're doing." I've noticed especially with the depression variety that many of their authors operate from a positive mindset which allows them to take such psychological boons as ignoring derogatory comments and overestimating their own abilities entirely for granted and subscribe to the commonplace perspective that depression is just swimming against the flow; if only you'd choose to stop being so damn depressed you could be happy like everyone else. To your standard, normal, healthy person this would seem like great advice because for them it takes effort to stay miserable, so they can't even begin to imagine the inverse: having to claw and bite through constant self-doubts, motivational issues, anxiety-related self-sabotage, and ruminations of a mind introspecting itself inside out just to experience some pleasure for even a short time. What looks like nothing more than following a blueprint for a happy life to them may be seen as being instructed to transform into a different creature by its more troubled readers. I find it unsurprising that a book that goes through great lengths to remind you of the happiness and success you are missing out on because of your crippling flaws and treats recovery as simple as bombarding yourself with upbeat messages and doing as the Romans do would leave many just feeling more frustrated.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 19, 2011
  5. Belladonna

    Belladonna Well-Known Member

    I think that self help books make me feel defective and vain.

    Whenever I've read one, I get frustrated for not feeling helped. I usually find what they write to be simpleminded--it's a book so you can't ask questions or argue with the guy. So, when I feel like the book is stupid, I feel vain...who am I to think this when I'm clearly dysfunctional.

    I think that people probably write such books after they recover, not while they struggle. After people feel better the mind usually blurs or even forgets the pain. So, when they write later, they have half-forgotten what it is like for people like us who are still struggling.
  6. Cowburn

    Cowburn Well-Known Member

    Very true, also I find that most of them have the tone of "Well it worked for me so It'll work for you".
  7. isitme87

    isitme87 Member

    I do have problems about anyone giving me advises. It sounds so mean to me. Mabye I am too narcissistic to accept help and that's my problem
  8. isitme87

    isitme87 Member

    Funny things is that one of them started with the words: You may feel like just leaving this book, thinking it can't help you in any way, but hey that's most suicidal people would say.

    Like if you do not follow then it's just the prove sth's wrong with you
  9. isitme87

    isitme87 Member

    From their point of view it's clear - since it worked for me then it will work for you

    Anyway I am curious why it is so hard to accept that you got to make some changes in yourself. From the beginning it seems impossible, maybe when you are actually better then it looks so much different - like an easy fix
  10. isitme87

    isitme87 Member


    the opinion that depression is just some kind of choice is understandable from some point of view.

    I bet most of the people on such a sites acutally seeks support group as they are taking meds and having their own therapy, that's why I always feel like I don't belong, but maybe it's a choice - not to be depressed but not to seek help so just sinking in this depression.
  11. isitme87

    isitme87 Member

    BELLADONA - me too. The truth is that I read them to mock myself so I could be on edge of cutting myself and then doing it and feeling relief
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