self injury

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by cloudy, Dec 3, 2010.

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  1. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    I don't cut as a lot of people here do. I stab myself with knitting needles on my leg as well as punch my leg. i am starting to induce panic attacks for some reason or another. the stress of college and this mental illness has taken its toll on my well being. I have a hard time going out in public because people yell at me. usually when i walk to the grocery store entrance, from the other side of the road out of their car windows, and the neighbors across the street who yell at me (i.e. ho and *****). because of these people i have started to think that there is no hope for getting my mental illness under control.

    i was given a disciplinary letter about my outburst at people who had been harassing me since early september. walking behind/staring at me, evil looks, laughing and accusing me of being gay in class. counselor says its me being paranoid and that i am imagining things because all the people she interviewed said nothing was going on. bull shit.

    anyway, if anyone knows how to kill the cravings of wanting to hurt oneself, drop me a line.
  2. Hi, Kinna.

    I can`t help you so much with the cravings of wanting to hurt yourself, because I do it too, but can you recognize the situations that trigger the cravings? Can you see, before the urge gets too strong, that unless you direct how you feel and channel it through another action, you`ll end up feeding the urges? I know how terribly stressful college can be, I flunked out of 3 different colleges already, because of anxiety. Don`t feel that just because you are struggling with it, that there`s anything wrong with you. It`s normal to feel that you don`t know enough and can`t keep up. College can drain you so much mentally. Are you getting any sort of professional help? Do you have friends or family you can talk to? I punch my legs as well. It doesn`t leave permanent scars, so it`s easier to hide. However, it can escalate - so don`t think of it as any less serious. There`s hope! When we struggle with a mental illness, we`ll have bad periods and good periods. I am in a bad period right now, but I do have hope that when I climb the new fences, it can get better again. You are in a very bad spot right now, but you can make it through this.

    Why do these people yell at you? And why should you care? What the heck is making them so important that they can judge you? Who the heck are these people, that they can allow themselves to treat you any way they want to? Just remember that the power to shut these people out, it`s in your hands. We can`t control the actions of others, but we can work on making ourselves impenetrable. We can build up the right walls for those people. You aren`t hurting them, when you hurt yourself. You are allowing them to affect you in a way that make you hurt the only one that matters in this scenario; you. Next time you want to hurt yourself, because some jacka** yelled something, remember that this person who yelled, means nothing to you. He/she is a nobody, compared to you. If you feel overwhelmed, anxious, angry, sad, broken down, because these people at school made you feel like crap, remember that they are of no importance, whatsoever, and if you should hurt yourself, it shouldn`t be for them, because they don`t deserve to have that impact on you. You are worth more than that.
  3. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    thank you for your reply. i am working on all the things i need to to get better i guess you could say. i just needed to vent even if no one heard me. i think mostly it is stress that is all piled into one big heap that has triggered the self injury. the people fucking with me is something that i really need to work on. i would like to inherit my mom's way of not paying attention to people. lol. she's pretty good at it.
  4. Mothers tend to be, lol.

    I know just too well how bad stress is. Sometimes it just feels like the glass is filled way past its brink. Keep venting. It`s good. Are there any activities you really enjoy? That could help with the stress? Do you give yourself some time, every day, that`s only yours and that you can fill with things thats good for you? I used to have a drawing bench. No stress was allowed near that bench. Find a space or something that you can try and make a protective bubble around. Listen to some calming music. And remember to breathe. We aren`t aware of how we are breathing, until we make ourselves aware of it.
  5. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    yeah. i have been complaining about not having time to myself because of always having to go somewhere like to class. i like to knit/crochet and bead. listen to music everyday. thanks. gonna give yoga and meditation a try soon.
  6. I recommend Yoga. It`s awesome, trying to get into the more difficult body position sort of forces you to focus on other things.
  7. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    stabbed self with handful of knitting needles. record. bruises still exist. healing. new stab marks bright red. today is december 18,2010. saturday. click.
  8. Romancer

    Romancer Well-Known Member

    I can reply to one question, if it helps, the reason why you can't feel pain is that your legs are getting used to it. In some martial arts, it's recommended that you hit yourself with a metal stick...sure, you have bruises and all, but after a while, you can't feel it anymore, and you're stronger.

    that aside, i do hope you feel better someday, and i can't really imagine stabbing myself, but in the end I do believe that there's a solution to every problem.
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