Self loathing

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bruces, Jan 17, 2015.

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  1. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I really have a strong dislike of myself due to my constant failures I failed as a mechanic due to problems caused by my ocd I've also tried other trades but not really took to them,so now I feel like such a big failure and I'm full of self loathing,and so incredibly miserable I kinda wished I was never born
     
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    When in pain and depressed and life sucks it inevitably turns to self loathing and self hatred. At some point the only explanation the mind can come up with for feeling so bad is that there is something wrong or unworthy of yourself as a person. It does not make it true, it does not mean you are a bad person- it means you feel like that because you can't come up with other reasons or explanations anymore on your own. That feeling is actually the hardest one to change but it is the one that makes the most difference. It is hard to do things to make yourself better until you feel like you are worth it or deserve to be better. I know I can't change your mind about yourself, but for what its worth I think you are a good person that deserves to feel better.

    Take Care and be Safe

    - Ben
     
  3. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    Words cannot describe how I feel about myself I've literally messed up every chance I've had,I will never forgive myself for who I am.
     
  4. DrMike

    DrMike Member

    Well, so long as you haven't actually murdered someone, or done something truly appalling like that (and I'm pretty certain you haven't), there's nothing you've done which can't be put right!

    The thing about messing up is that you still have another chance (there is always another chance) and next time you'll hopefully have learnt from your mistakes and won't repeat them. Someone who goes through life without ever messing up, or failing, is boring and hard to like, someone who has made mistakes and overcome them is far more interesting and likeable, especially if they can admit their failings. Failure teaches: empathy for others, persistence, patience, determination and a sense of humour... all good qualities in a well rounded human being, success on the other hand is a mixed blessing.
     
  5. iainjustiain

    iainjustiain Member

    Hi Bruces,
    Im with Dr Mike on this. The thing I have always found about messing up is that there is always another chance. I guess the failures in my life have taught me that I am resilient. I have learnt from my many many many failures that when I fail, I can recover and move on. I agree with Dr Mike, Failure teaches me so very much. I guess messing up is kind of a good thing. Or at least it can be.
     
  6. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    It's the fact I've messed up everything I've never had any success I've made a total mess of my career with having ocd I'm such a huge dissapointment I don't think I deserve to be here
     
  7. DrMike

    DrMike Member

    OCD is not the end of the world, many of the best and brightest people have various forms of OCD and/or Aspergers/Autism. I know, my father has OCD and quite possibly Autism too. It can make him very annoying at times, BUT we (his family and friends) still love him very much, and in his (own unique) way he is a brilliant man, at least in part because of his OCD - yes, like many 'defects' it can be as much a blessing as a curse. His attention to detail is incredible and in his chosen field, computers, he is literally brilliant.

    Sheldon Cooper on "the Big Bang Theory" is the most realistic portrayal of someone with OCD I've seen on TV, and although he is 'eccentric', he is definitely not someone most people would consider a 'failure' either, in fact quite the opposite.

    If it makes you feel any better I've made a total mess of my careers (yes plural) too, sometimes I think I'm a failure as well, but you know what? I'm not, I'm able to feed myself and my son, I don't need anyone to look after me, that is true success, and all the crap I've had in my life (part self inflicted, part inflicted by others) has only made me stronger and better able to cope with life. As I said before, and as I think Iain agrees, 'failure' doesn't need to be looked at as 'failure', in fact each 'fail' can be looked at as a lesson, a learning experience, which will make you a better, more rounded, and stronger person in the long run.

    Mike
     
  8. DrMike

    DrMike Member

    You've also got to learn to stop loathing and start loving yourself 'warts and all' as they say :)
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I think you are being too hard on yourself Bruces. You always have another chance to go back to school and study something else. You need help with professionals for the OCD ? Have you got any already? Of course you deserve to be here, just as much as the next person!
     
  10. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    The ocd affects me massively in my job I feel somewhat hopeless at it I've never really been able to look after myself and have therefore affected my family's life by being a burden :(
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Most of us feel like we a burden to our families, but they love us just as much as we love them.

    I'm sorry it is affecting your job, I used to have ocd (dyeing my hair multiple times a day, fixated on the time, touching things a number of times,making sure everything was turned off when I knew it already was and then worrying about it ) so I do know what you going though and feel bad for you hun and I hope things improve :hug:
     
  12. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    Do you no longer suffer from ocd? With me it's affected me greatly as a mechanic,checking nuts and bolts that coupled with the depression has mostly robbed my of my life how can you find any happiness where there isn't any ?
     
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    My OCD is gone, I was not treated for it, it just disappeared, I know, weird. Hopefully it will never reappear.

    You have to make your own happiness and do what you want to do however OCD is very debilitating and who knows when you might get past it. I really do hope one day you will be free from this horrible illness!! :hug:
     
  14. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I just long to be a normal functioning person :(
     
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I know Bruces and it might take time, perhaps try different types of therapy, self help books, there are some good meditation videos on youtube. I wish you the best :)
     
  16. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    I won't take my life I have neither the courage nor the desire to hurt my family alls I know is my last breath will be my happiest,I don't understand a world where some have happiness and others are denied it...
     
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Life can be very unfair,yes. But you have to keep fighting even if you think it is a losing battle. We all have to remain strong and keep trying to better our lives.
    Don't give up the fight.
     
  18. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    How can you fight when you know it's a losing battle when you know the outcome
     
  19. Bruces

    Bruces Well-Known Member

    Had a bad day again today even though I tried fairly hard I cleaned the house and went for a walk with the dog but still as anxious as ever,when does it get better?
     
  20. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    I am pretty sure Petal would not be able to say one day her OCD controlled her life and the next day it was gone. Even major changes happen a tiny little bit at a time. I am "happy" I just want to curl up and give up rather then wanting to kill myself. For me at this point that is a big improvement.

    You cleaned and walked with the dog! What a nice day. I might be able to do one but not both.

    Did you enjoy some part of your walk? Was the dog so very happy you were sharing the world with him?

    We do not suddenly get better. To start with we simply are not as bad, then one day we will suddenly realize more of the day is good then bad. Keep trying.

    Pet your dog for me. Stay strong.
     
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