So, I am supposed to be all better now, failed attempt behind me. I never got treatment maybe I should have. I wont be having Thanksgiving my depression took Halloween from me, my most favorite and now I will cook no beautiful bird. I dont deserve it and my family is crumbling. I want to run again and do it right, I just couldnt do it to him again. He asked me to back out of his daughters life slowly. I love her but, my influence isnt something she needs to be around. I will just punish myself a little more, he always says I can go or we can break up. Thats a lie he is as mentally fucked as I am. I WONT KILL MYSELF TODAY. It will be once I get out of their lives 23, and I dont want anything, and I have everything. Food, money, car, roof, family. The man who loves me has become so deceitful, I know I made my own mistakes but, I was HONEST. 100% all details, I dont ask for details because I cant take them. FUCK THIS WHY AM I WRITTING HERE HONESTLY I AM ALONE who knows, maybe I wont back away and disregard his requests not to turn our apartment into a crime scene, I do love him so much but, FUCK. I dont love me so how much is so much. Dont reply, and go away.