Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Krem, Apr 23, 2010.

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  1. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    When I'm reading through these forums, and the internet in general, I see multitudes of posts and messages, each stating (Often in broken English) how badly they feel, how someone hurt them, how much life sucks, and so on. They don't do anything to make it sound less desperate, don't try to cover up their self-pity. I am, more often than not, disgusted, in a similar way that a stout working-man would be disgusted by the lazy and fat. But, I admitt, I often find myself wanting to do just that. To wail at anything, to bare my emotions. Yet, I find myself unable to.
    Is painting one's sadness with stories, third-person views or cleaver wording a sign of maturity, of self-control, or is it a show of weakness, of shame? Is being able to strip one's fa├žade a sign of growth, of self-respect, or a show of weak-mindedness and childishness? Should one stand before others, unashamed of one's emotions, or should one show only what is decent, thinly disguise it so that the words are left unspoken, but the message is there?
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    One of the reasons this forum exists is that we CAN unabashedly describe what ails us. Everywhere else we're censored. Before I became depressed I was always honest... Depression has forced me to use deception as a basic survival tool, but here I can be honest again.

    You're lying to yourself with your analogy - you're as unemployed as the rest of us but seem to believe you've a job.
  3. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    While it can get tiresome to see so much of it, with ideation you feel the need to lay everything on the table. I have only done it once, in my first thread, but I felt that I needed to do it so I would be heard and taken seriously. Little did I know, I was only echoing what hundreds have said before me and what hundreds said after me, only with the details changed.

    Nevertheless, as aoeu said, this forum is made (partly) for the ability to bear all and not be judged or criticized for doing so. like I said to Lightbeam in a thread condemning "I'm Leaviing" threads, if you don't like it, don't read it.

    And to try and answer your questions, I think it is better to open up completely and feel welcomed than to filter your emotions and feel like a liar, or a deceiver.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 23, 2010
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Why not try and see how hard it is to do exactly what disgusts you? You might find your questions are answered when you're in a terrific amount of pain, have no choice but to be "disgusting and desperate", feel it acutely, realise you are desperately alone, especially if you have poor healthcare around you and you're dying. You might find your grammar fails, your written English break-up. Then you might realise, people might not be 'wailing at anything' but for good justified reasons.

    What exactly is cleaver wording btw? If that's a typo that's a very interesting one.
  5. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    I am unashamed.I am still fairly new to this site but when I joined I was in complete and utter meltdown.Is it so bad that I logged on and told strangers that I was sat with pills and water?It was my last chance for somebody to talk me around,il admit it.Deep down I didnt want to die but I really and truly couldnt see another way out.Ive sufferred many years with depression without finding so many understanding people to share it with.The other time I got that close I actually took the pills but it was years ago and did not have access to the internet let alone have a laptop to to use to find a site like this.Ive spent 16 years with so called professionals trying to help me through talking and giving me pills that at very best just knocked me out,they never really understood me like these guys have in the short time ive been on here!!!
    So no I for one am not bothered that you all know everything,im done hiding and like the others say,if you dont like something then step away from the post and dont read it.I dont personally read them all as some things I dont agree with but I still respect the authors right to post it.Oh and if we are going for mis-use of grammar and spelling,mines never been perfect but you should check out the first few I made(thatl really disgust you)I was in that much of a state it looks like a 6 year old couldve typed them.
    I say let it all out no matter who you are or what youve got to say,as long as you arent deliberatly trying to make anybody feel like crap then in my eyes anything goes................................
  6. Theseus

    Theseus Well-Known Member

    May as well pity yourself. It's likely no one else will.
  7. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    Just what we need in a forum like this.

    Someone judging them. :|
  8. I am with you on this. I find public self flaggelation via an online forum where people profess to care so deeply humiliating, dangerous to what little self worth the poster has and sometimes there`s a bit of *well, I`m in a worse position than you, yet I am worthier than you because I chose to respond to your self pity*.
    However, people here believe it heps them, and who are we to argue? Maybe it does. Maybe we`re on an even lower form of humanity than them by being rather disgusted by this.
  9. alloutoftears

    alloutoftears Account Closed

    seig heil krem
  10. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    You're voting BNP and accusing someone else of being a Nazi?!
  11. alloutoftears

    alloutoftears Account Closed

    how can i vote in the BRITISH election? its called sarcasm

    think about it!, and at least the bnp are honest about their evil, they're not masquerading as a party of the people (but not for the people).

    as for saluting the troll, his post has no place in this forum.

    he should be ashamed of himself.
  12. yogurt

    yogurt Active Member

    I don't know the answers to your questions, but I know I'm too far gone to worry what others think of me online. Being quiet has made me worse--I need some place to vent. I hide my pain and tears from my family, but I don't hide it from myself.

    Maybe worrying about that is a road block to getting well. I try to focus on what I can do to better myself and I make sure I stay real in the process.
  13. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    This may not be a popular stance but I am gonna say it.

    We did not ask to have our mood disorder/mental illness whatever you care to call it and so I think we are in entitled to have "pity parties" from time to time. I mean we have a hard life and we struggle daily with crap nobody else does so hell if you want to feel sorry for yourself now and a then I say go ahead I will come to the party. I won't allow you to wallow in it but if you need to take a break and just feel bad for yourself I say go for it, you have my support. Like I said we got dealt a hard hand in life so it is no small wonder that we just want to throw our hands up sometimes and say "damn it all my life sucks".

    That is my two cents...and like aeou said this is the place for it as in real life nobody really understands us.

    Love B
  14. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    Self-pity only feeds our depression... i won't lie i get caught up into it... but i stop as soon as i realize what im doing... self-pity is my worst enemy really... i don't want any pity... in any form... just need to focus on whats important, when the things get rough, you gotta work through it, can't sit around thinking about mistakes or about the past... just gotta get through it... can't keep sitting around saying "why me"... doesn't get you anywhere... when you get that "why me?" feeling, just say you must be lucky and move on... its hard, but with practice you will condition your thinking to be stronger... and you will realize it will start taking a lot bigger things for you to get upset...
  15. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    If this bloody so called "life" of mine was willing to deal me a bloody break once in a while I wouldnt have the whole pity thing going on.But as it stands all ive ever had for as long back as I can remember is shit!You cant expect somebody to "pick themselves up and get on with it all their lives".There comes a point when the fight in you is too weak.That for me is when pity should take over at least for a little while.
  16. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    well said shamps, I agree 100% :clap:
  17. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    Thanks Leiaha :smile:
  18. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I agree to shamps..I was going to say the same thing basically...
    we don't want to be in this black hole....if we could pick ourselves up and dust off we would.....this attitude makes me so angry...
    :clap: :thumbup:
  19. destroyed

    destroyed Account Closed

    I admit, i self pity b/c i can't deal with the mess the world and i have created. I say the world b/c let's just face it, it's not caring in any way and is continually looking for a way to destroy/screw you and I on the other hand need to learn responsibility even if i can't catch a break. In the meantime, i'm very suicidal and if i don't let out the darkness i fear the worse for my family (no details).

    I'm new here but i already love this site. I can genuinely express myself w/o being led away to an institution :hiding: or receiving a deer-in-headlights reaction. It's when I bottle my emotions up that I find myself curled up and deformed on the bathroom floor. So i'm thankful for this place.
  20. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    I still feel as if the question hasn't been answered. Is it strength to be able to speak freely, or is it strength to be able to hold it all in. Is it a weakness to grasp out for other's pity, or is it a weakness to be bottled up, to not be able to express oneself truthfully?

    And to shamps, and the guy who called me a troll, read the post. I won't say 'again' for obvious reasons.
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