Self sabotaging behavior, thoughts?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Ima.robot, Sep 23, 2013.

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  1. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    Im sure a lot of us if not most here must have some type self sabotaging behaviors that are ingrained in our subconscious for one reason or another, I know I definitely do. Acting in ways that completely compromise my ability to achieve my goals, even though in my consciousness wants to be happy and 'successful' there is something in the subconscious&ego that will make me act in the opposite way which is getting in the way of being generally more content with life.

    Just would like to hear any thoughts you guys have on the subject? Anything at all.

    I was watching a video on this which I agree with that said it has a lot to do with the ego and I agree but its hard to think about how exactly it relates but it must have something to do with that. Also I think a big part for me is being scared of 'success' and perfectionism. Last few years Ive gotten so used to failing that it has become comfortable where it takes guts to take a chance trying things to be successful even if it may fail at first. Also I have perfectionism attitude a lot where if I dont think I can be 100 percent perfect at something, i just give up and dont try at all which causes so many problems with life and even relationships.

    I really do want to conquer my demoms and try not to dwell on some of the stuff life has brought upon me but it is hard. Some times like now I can feel so motivated to change but then say when I wake up in the morning I may have a completely different attitude and hate everything again and have an overall negative attitude. Ive finally stopped procrastinating and started a written journal at home because I think this will be one of the most important things if not the most important thing I can do try and get better, to keep focused and track my thoughts, goals and progress.

    Any thoughts on trying to fix self sabotaging or anything related to the subject?
  2. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    i dont think i can offer anything insightful but i know that i hate being miserable but whenever i get the chance to be happy i cant live in the moment and enjoy it. i crave to be happy but i seem to try and talk myself out of being happy. i do that a lot and i dont know why.
  3. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    I think I can relate a lot to what you said about talking out of being happy, which has become so much harder since chronic knee pain crept in making it uncomfortable to even sleep at night. I think, for me at least, talking myself out of being happy comes from a place of complacency. Only doing three things this summer I can think of times when I am actually enjoying the moment, 1 is smoking a cig with a nice view, 2 is taking a bunch of t3s to get high and lastly one time I was on a boat this summer I actually felt content for a while. Ive become complacent being miserable as it really is easier to be negative/suicidal than trying to get better which takes a lot of effort. Not that I think anything is wrong with suicide but since I havent ended it yet I might as well try to make the best of what ive got, if not just end it. I also think im afraid of 'success' big time, a lot more then im afraid of 'failing'(in regard to life goals).

    For the record I do think depression is real although mine may be more so circumstantial than chemical but either way one does have to try to get better if it is at all possible to get better.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 24, 2013
  4. tmvs1984

    tmvs1984 New Member

    I understand what you are saying so much and I'm glad this topic was raised. It is something I dealt with for many years myself and after having a breakdown I was referred to a councellor and took CBT sessions.
    The day I made my problems clear to those around me, I walked out on my job and went missing for a few hours. I was feeling so hopeless, hoping by some miracle I would die, or my problems would be solved by magic. With the support of my family and staying out of work for some months, I managed to get the help I really needed. By the end of my CBT sessions, I mentioned to my councellor that I hoped I wouldn't return to my old self. He said he didn't think I could.
    He was right for a long time and a big part of me was ways scared I would revert back and unfortunately, recently I have been feeling these old anxieties creeping back. Sometimes I think it is hormones, as I often feel worse when I have my menstral cycle. This past week I have felt so bad, just like I used to. Whilst it is possible it is related to my hormones (I recently changed my birth control method), I have such fear of falling backwards that it is crippling. I can't comprehend another breakdown, I can't face repeating it all over again and putting my family through such aggravation. Lately I have feared this so much I have been thinking so much about suicide.
    I do have a very good book called The Mindful Way Through Depression and it does cover these feelings of fearing setbacks and coping with those occurrances in life where your anxieties and fears will be challenged. Yet I feel the anxieties have barreled over to just depression and that if I died, I won't have to suffer this way anymore. I won't have to try to be happy and live a life as if walking on a tightrope. I am so scared of feeling better just to end up feeling horrible again for something no doubt completely trivial, to do with my job most likely. I hate that, because my job is the one thing I convinced myself I would not take the most seriously in life, as I didn't need to feel that my job defined me.
    Sometimes it feels like there is no escape and that I can't even get people to understand how I feel.
    Right now it does feel like I am falling into complacency, because I can't find a way out, or my way back to when I was coping.
  5. IamTetsuo

    IamTetsuo Well-Known Member

    I have always had these kind of impulses too, to destroy things I've worked towards and feeling drawn towards failure and unhappiness. I've not gone to job interviews, not gone to exams after doing loads of studying, constantly cancelled on friends. I recently signed on to get unemployment benefit (more to get motivation to get back to work) but I didn't go to the second meeting and now it's cancelled lol.

    I think that it's to do with tension between being scared of things that you want - a kind of performance anxiety that leads to avoidance and procrastination.
  6. Ima.robot

    Ima.robot Senior Member

    Tmvs sorry to hear troubles are coming back again are you still seeing that CBT counselor? Im going to one soon myself for the first time. It is a good sign that you have at least done well for yourself for a while I would think. I know how hard it is so sustain change though. Perhaps there was still something bothering you because how you said you were always worried about going back to destructive ways? Hopefully your job situation turns out okay that can definitely be a big cause because people do spend a lot of time at work.

    Tetsuo I can relate so much you have no idea lol. I went to university had a bad day at one of my classes on the first day and just walked out and dropped the class and later out of the program. I ignore friends(what little friends i have) all the time especially now that I live in pain even more so. They probably wont even want to hang out if i keep it up much longer. Ive been procrastinating making my appointment with a therapist for weeks. Ive quit a job on the spot because I got a 2nd job and wanted some weekends off and coulodnt get it. These are just some things I cannot even think because there are so many and some are worse than what ive mentioned but too many to remember right now. I 100% agree with your last statement.

    Well just good to know im not alone I didnt think I would be. Life is confusing, the mind is confusing.
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