Self Worth

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Remedy, Sep 16, 2009.

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  1. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    How do you stop basing your self worth on whether or not others find you attractive?
    It's pretty severe for me... if a week or two goes by where no one smiles at me or something... I go into meltdown and start hating myself.
    But when it does happen I feel elated for a few hours / a day. I'm pretty sure that's not healthy? It seems to be the center of everything and I'd like to change that.
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    hmmm i dont know. i get a self esteem boost when i get smiled at by women, but i laugh at the dirty looks i get. but maybe not everyones wired like me...

    (i mean im messed up, not on drugs [currently {until tomorrow}])
  3. 12years

    12years Well-Known Member

    I started hating the importance of physical attractiveness a while ago, and just to prove the world I won't play by their rules I purposely be as naturally unattractive as I can be. That way I don't take it personally if someone doesn't consider me attractive, and I feel incredibly happy when someone considers me "cool" in spite of my outward look--because that just means I'm awesome on the inside. As a disclaimer, though, that rarely happens. :p
  4. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    Basing your self worth on others opinions of you is incredibly dangerous because the fact is, not everyone is going to find you attractive.. and that can really bring you down. Its just impossible. How long have you felt this way?
  5. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    I do that too. Not that people have to smile at me to make me feel better (even though that's nice too :smile:) but I'm having a bit of a problem right now. Everyone used to say that I was so pretty, so beautiful, and crap like that but it was like it'd go through one ear and out the other cause families tell you stuff like that. But recently I'm feeling even more down on my looks just because everytime I like a guy, they're like, "You're really beautiful and all but I'm not looking for a relationship." I don't know why it does this, but I take it as, "You're too fat and ugly for me. See ya." Especially for the last guy I had a crush on. He said he "wasn't looking for a relationship." yet he's asking all these girls on dates. It was so stupid of me to keep trying to get closer to him but :dunno:. It's really nice to know that other people think you're attractive, trust me, I know, but in the end, whose opinion matters the most? I'm working on my self-esteem even though its really tough cause I've always told myself that I wasn't worth anyone's time and that I'm not as attractive as the girl over there or whatever. Sorry, this probably isn't going to help you at all but I'm really trying :smile:. If you ever just need someone to listen please feel free to pm me :hug:.
  6. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    I have the same problem, but in a different way. I have low self worth because I can go somewhere but I think people are talking about me negatively. I guess from all the crap I got when I was in school. If someone at work comes and begins whispering to my co-worker, I'll automatically assume they're talking about me and I will get hurt and angry. It's like I don't have that common sense mechanism to question it, I automatically assume it's me or my fault. If someone looks at me while I'm out, I think they probably hate me. People tell me I'm beautiful and all, but then I think they won't want to be my friend or they're just saying that. I went through it with guys too. For a long time, I could never meet guys I liked just the ones I didn't care that much for. Finally I met my husband and we have a mutual attraction, so it gets better.

    I can't tell you NOT to do this because we do it and some of us can't help it, but I've learned to just take a step back mentally and think that it's probably not about me and if it was, who cares. I can't always do this, but enough to where I can manage it.

  7. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Thank you for your replies, I've felt like this for about two years now, before that I was overweight and kinda hopeless about being attractive. I also have the problem where if someone is laughing near me or talking while looking at me that it's to do with my looks. To be honest I feel really confused when I put together all my experiences (negative with people my own age, 'positive' with guys 5-20 years older) and it really bothers me. Trying to figure out why it's the most important thing to me. :dunno:
    Maybe because I need approval.

    Thank you for your offer Lady Byron :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 18, 2009
  8. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    self-worth is FAR more dependent on your personality and how you treat others. also, don't worry about it. i'll go on a limb and say 90% of all men are worthless, either they are jerks, insensitive, or shallow. you'll find one of those remaining 10% somewhere. :)

    oh, and i just thought i'd throw it out there that i *am* a guy, since i'm expecting some "you just hate men cuz you're a woman" responses. :p
  9. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    No problem :smile: and I too have the problem with the older guys. Guys my own age and about 5 years older won't look at me or talk to me unless I go over there and they sure as hell don't want to date me :dry:, but the older gusy (10+ years) come up and talk to me and I've even been asked out by a guy like 30 years older than me. It was kind of disturbing for me not because he was older but because many of my uncles are that age :mellow:.
  10. Sad

    Sad Guest

    The thing about feeling elated when someone smiles at you...

    I feel the same way! I can't get it out of my head and keep replaying it in my mind...
  11. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I suffer from the same problem and it fuels my depression. (Although I don't wait to get smiled at or whatever, because I just expect it won't happen).

    Someone told me to base my self worth on how much I help people and what sort of a mark I will have left on this world when I am no longer in it, which is why I want to become a nurse. I'd love to become a doctor but I don't have 7 years of study in me!

    Maybe you could try and flip it around in that way. Base how important and how great you are on something worthwhile, like how giving you are instead of how attractive you are.
    Because being pretty ultimately won't do anything for anyone in this world, but opening your hands and your heart to others will.

    It's one way to see it, and it's really helped me. Hope it does something for you too.
  12. Mikeintx

    Mikeintx Well-Known Member

    It is true what they say, you need to love yourself to be happy. Do what it takes to get there, go to therapy if need be, volunteer and help people, do nice things for others, or just in general live to your own code of ethics. After a while you will not feel the need to have others like you to feel good about yourself, you will love yourself and can be happy independent of other's criticism.
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