So yeah, the thoughts are back. I'm not going to do anything, I couldn't do that right now. But how in hell do I get through this? Its like crap for two weeks, okay for a few days and now sinking again. How do I avoid this? Obviously the issue is me, my mind and my thoughts. If I cannot control negative thoughts of myself along with raging flashbacks of numerous things, then how do I move forward? I feel such a failure in many ways. Things I used to be able to do at the drop of a hat take me forever anymore, if I even get to them. Try to motivate myself is difficult. Is this just how its going to be from now on? If so, why try if I always end up back here? And if back here is where i'm going to be, aren't I better to drink again to at least numb some of it? Confused and alone, sad and frustrated and of course, angry with myself.