Selfish Thinking

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Oct 31, 2011.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    So yeah, the thoughts are back.

    I'm not going to do anything, I couldn't do that right now.

    But how in hell do I get through this? Its like crap for two weeks, okay for a few days and now sinking again. How do I avoid this?

    Obviously the issue is me, my mind and my thoughts. If I cannot control negative thoughts of myself along with raging flashbacks of numerous things, then how do I move forward?

    I feel such a failure in many ways. Things I used to be able to do at the drop of a hat take me forever anymore, if I even get to them. Try to motivate myself is difficult.

    Is this just how its going to be from now on? If so, why try if I always end up back here? And if back here is where i'm going to be, aren't I better to drink again to at least numb some of it?

    Confused and alone, sad and frustrated and of course, angry with myself.
  2. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Yeah I know where your coming from,I get angry for being so pathetic and doing nothing to change it. I figure we must be able to get better and change our lives coz people forever tell you that you can. I just can't seem to pull it out of myself tho.
    Take care
  3. gearsoflife

    gearsoflife Member

    yeh i`m way better off just dieing been falling for wat must be 10 years now and everything just gets wers. dont enjoy the good times and the bad times are unbareable. wat is the point. 10 years of hell and just keeps gettin wers.
  4. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    Boy do I know what you mean. It's not so much that I want to die. I just don't care sometimes if I live or die. I just try to muddle through, because I know the feelings usually will cycle back around again to a point where I can "tolerate" being alive.
  5. gearsoflife

    gearsoflife Member

    i`m sick of getting things taken from me, couldnt travel, couldnt have a eductation, couldnt have a famaly, cant have a girlfriend, cant have a job, now cant leave the house, cant go to the pub, cant have a dream and cant have any money. cant use the internet, cant watch telly, cant watch football and cant look normal
  6. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Dear MoAnamCara - so much of what you wrote, I recognized in myself. Especially the temptation to return to drinking. Alcohol tends to be a central system depressant - if you feel misersable , through a few drinks in on top, some rude behavior, maybe traffic violations, now things are real complicated.

    And alcohol and other substances (legal and illicit). But I've spent many of the last several days where you'tr at.

    PM any time (though I'm probably close to bed) Blessings and hoping tomorrow
    is a better day for both.

  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I am sad so many of you feel similarly.

    some of my tears tonight are for you too.
  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    That does not sound selfish at if you need me...fondly
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm sorry to hear the thoughts are back but I'm glad that you are determined that you're not going to do anything.

    But how in hell do I get through this? Its like crap for two weeks, okay for a few days and now sinking again. How do I avoid this?
    There's a few ways you can do this hun. :)
    You can try yoga or pilates to relax your body and mind.
    Buy some self help books, I know of a good one called ,'when panic attacks' but I can't remember the authors name. And, another good one by Paul McKenna called instant confidence, it's rather good and is a nice read, it definitely helped with my confidence a bit.
    Find a new hobby or just joining some clubs for the sake of keeping the thoughts away.

    I sure hope it won't always be life this for you.You're not a failure, depression is telling you that, depression lies.It's also a very very bad idea to drink when you're feeling down because you just might act on your emotions and no one wants that to happen.I'm always around if you need a friendly ear hun, only a message away xox
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 31, 2011
  10. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks to you both for responding.

    Its an overwhelming sadness. It'll be okay, one way or the other.

    Take care.
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I truly hope you will be hun and if now we're here for you xoxo
  12. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Can I scream?

    Who will listen?

    Who will hear me?

    What difference does it make?
  13. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Scream on here. We will hear you.
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :agreed: we're here for ya!
  15. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    When one feels like they are an inch from the abyss, what's the answer then?
  16. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Find a friend who will help you walk away from the edge.
  17. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Unfortunately that is extremely unlikely to happen, but thanks for responding.
  18. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    Why do you feel that that is unlikely? You seem to have friends here?
    No problem, supporting each other is why we are here, after all.
  19. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Its really not important, I should not have said anything.

    Scared, exhausted, lonely, worried, stressed and all the rest of it.

    Just having a rough time, as are many people here.

    It is hard when you feel like you have failed so many in your life.

    And thats it, enough said - time for people to move on to looking after those who are so more deserving of their energies and thoughts.
  20. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    No you were right to say something. You have the right to, especially on your own thread.
    Have you really failed many people?

    I am having a bad time and being here helps me a lot, and makes me feel I have something to offer, maybe it can do the same for you?
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