I feel selfish to desire suicide so much. I have a boyfriend, extremely supportive and loving parents, enough money to get by, a part time job a love. I'm not into the whole comparing problems, there are people out there with severe emotional problems, but I am myself and I'm sure there are people out there who can relate. I don't have it all, whatsoever. But I don't feel like I'm reaching or can reach my potential. I have skills, I believe I'm quite intelligent. And I'm not trying to big myself up whatsoever, I guess this is a writing to myself to try and make myself realize what I have. But is it selfish for this not to fulfill me completely? I suffer with anxiety, it's not as extreme as I'm aware of and have experienced before, but it affects me a ton... but in small doses. I scare myself with the possibility of violence, anger, general disturbance, but I know I couldn't act on it, I'd take it out on myself in a split second before I could do harm to anyone else. My mood is up and down drastically, and people notice. I haven't dug into my arms for about 4 months now but the temptation is ever growing, and I don't quite know why. I'm alive for my parents, and... my boy? It's only been 7 months so far, but, I'm happy to grip onto any love I recieve of course. If anything happens to any of them, I'm gone. 100% It's going to happen one day I know it, but for now, I'm drifting along, unexcited, with the overpowering thoughts of what I could do, every hour of the day, becuase I have control over my life. The desire to take the plunge however, that's the part I'm struggling to control.