Hi. The reason i feel the way i feel, I find pretty obvious. First of all, I'm born into a family of alcoholics, drug addicts and mentally ill people. I suffer from anxiety, generally and socially. I smoked weed for a long time, and it became a problem with me, so I'm a drug addict and alcoholic. I quit smoking weed and drinking, and some days I start thinking 'whats the point?' sense I feel so worthless, but I dont know if I ever will go back to drugs because I felt worse when I used, so I dont know. I think I'm too young to experience this, I just hate everything. I hate myself, I seriuosly can't even look in the mirror anymore because of the shame i feel. I pretty much blame everything on my family for even having me, sense they have delt and still do deal with the bull shit I go through now, and there is no possible way they couldn't have known I would be like this. My father is a joke, and i hate him. And sense I hate him I don't talk to anyone in this family anymore. I see a therapist weekly. She tells me to "think positive," and i just say 'for what?' I've wanted to go to college, but I can't work full time, play basketball and go to college, it just wont work. And I'm scared of college. Just today I decided to just save money untill I can leave out of this house. I just want to disconnect myself from this family, I want nothing to do with this family at all. And I'm never having childern, it will be a cold day in hell before I become as desperate as my father, if you would like to call him that sense he was never there to teach me anything about living life. I'm just real mad, and i dont see things ever changing. No matter how many changes I make, everything seems to stay the same.