Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by angel_is_dead, Aug 5, 2006.

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  1. angel_is_dead

    angel_is_dead Well-Known Member

    My family tell me Im selfish for cutting
    I dont understand
    how can sacrificing the one thing you want more anything, to save others grief and money, be selfish?
    I just want someone to understand how PAINFUL this is
    every second
    I just wanna cry, I wish I was someone else, anyone else.
    But me
    I think of the mistakes Ive made, of the hurt Ive caused
    of all the sh*t thats happened to me, about the people who have hurt me.
    Kill Me,
    cause I cant do it myself.
    and thats what hurts the most.
  2. Hi angel.

    Alot of selfharmers parents/relatives think cutting is selfish, but they dont understand, remember this though; they worry for you, and what you are doing to yourself.

    For parents to see there child cutting or harming themself in a way that is dangerous and worrying, they will be like that, sometimes people are so angry and worried, that feeling covers up their true feelings.

    Cutting isnt selfish, maybe you should show them this information guide for selfharming;

    Self Harm

    Hey there guys. Lately, I have seen several 'self-harming' threads on this forum, about teenagers who have hurt themselves on deliberate to try and relieve pain, make themselves feel better, attention etc. by perhaps slitting their wrists etc. Therefore, in this post I am basically going to try and sum up self-harming for you, and explain why people do it, why you shouldn;t and the help self-harmers can get, so I hope you find it useful.

    What is self harm?

    It's called many things -- self-inflicted violence, self-injury, self-harm, parasuicide, delicate cutting, self-abuse, self-mutilation. Basically, self harm is the act of attempting to change a mood state by inflicting physical harm serious enough to cause tissue damage to one's body.

    Approximately 1% of the United States population uses physical self-injury as a way of dealing with overwhelming feelings or situations, often using it to speak when no words will come.

    How common is self harm?

    Although it may not actually be obvious to you, or your not aware of it, it has been proved that more than one in 10 adolescents have deliberately harmed themselves. The study, commissioned by the Samaritans and conducted by the Centre for Suicide Research at Oxford University, found youngsters were more likely to harm themselves if they had friends who had already done so. Each year in the UK more than 24,000 teenagers are admitted to hospital after deliberately harming themselves.

    What are examples of self harm behavior?

    The forms and severity of self harm can vary, although the most commonly seen behavior is:

    <mod edit: bunny -methods>

    Other forms of self-injurious behavior include:

    <mod edit: bunny -methods>

    It's not self-injury if the primary purpose is:
    sexual gratification
    body decoration (e.g., body piercing, tattooing)
    spiritual enlightenment via ritual
    fitting in or being cool

    Why does self harming make some people feel better?

    It reduces physiological and psychological tension rapidly.
    Studies have suggested that when people who self-injure get emotionally overwhelmed, an act of self-harm brings their levels of psychological and physiological tension and arousal back to a bearable baseline level almost immediately. In other words, they feel a strong uncomfortable emotion, don't know how to handle it (indeed, often do not have a name for it), and know that hurting themselves will reduce the emotional discomfort extremely quickly. They may still feel bad (or not), but they don't have that panicky jittery trapped feeling; it's a calm bad feeling.
    Some people never get a chance to learn how to cope effectively.
    One factor common to most people who self-injure, whether they were abused or not, is invalidation. They were taught at any early age that their interpretations of and feelings about the things around them were bad and wrong. They learned that certain feelings weren't allowed. In abusive homes, they may have been severely punished for expressing certain thoughts and feelings. At the same time, they had no good role models for coping. You can't learn to cope effectively with distress unless you grow up around people who are coping effectively with distress. Although a history of abuse is common about self-injurers, not everyone who self-injures was abused. Sometimes invalidation and lack of role models for coping are enough, especially if the person's brain chemistry has already primed them for choosing this sort of coping.
    Self-punishment (either because they believe they deserve punishment for either having good feelings or being an "evil" person or because they hope that self-punishment will avert worse punishment from some outside source.

    What kinds of people self-injure?

    Self-injurers come from all walks of life and all economic brackets. People who harm themselves can be male or female; straight, gay, or bisexual; Ph.D.s or high-school dropouts or high-school students; rich or poor; from any country in the world. Some people who self-injure manage to function effectively in demanding jobs; they are teachers, therapists, medical professionals, lawyers, professors, engineers. Some are on disability. Their ages range from early teens to early 60s.

    "Self-inflicted violence is just an attempt to manipulate others."
    Some people use self-inflicted injuries as an attempt to cause others to behave in certain ways, it's true. Most don't, though. If you feel as though someone is trying to manipulate you with SI, it may be more important to focus on what it is they want and how you can communicate about it while maintaining appropriate boundaries. Look for the deeper issues and work on those.

    What help is on offer?

    If you perhaps want to begin self harming, or if you are already a self harmer and want out of it, you've made a wise decision. Remember, you're not alone. Lots of other young people who self-harm have made the same decision - and many have been helped to stop hurting themselves. There is a wide variety of help on offer to you to get you started, and most of them are free and easy to take up.

    One of the best ways to get help is finding someone you can talk to and trust. This could be a parent, grandparent, brother, sister, friend, school nurse, teacher, social worker, school counsellor or youth worker.
    Samaritans offer you confidential, non-judgemental emotional suppoer 24 hours a day, meaning you can privately speak to someone who won't judge you from what you tell you. They will offer you help on what they can, or set you in the right direction.

    You can go to for more information.
    You could even make an appointment with your doctor or GP and ask them for help, knowing everything you say will be kept confidential and private.

    If you make an appointment to see someone and you feel uncomfortable going on your own, take a friend or family member with you. They can provide support and help you remember what was said
    Before your appointment, write down all the questions you want to ask and make sure they've all been answered before you leave

    Write down the answers you're given. If you’re given the names of other people or organisations, make sure you write down the correct contact information

    There may be a number of support or treatment options available. Explain that you would like to know about all possible alternatives.

    If something is said during the meeting that you don’t understand, don't be afraid to ask the person to explain what they mean.

    Ask if there are any leaflets or other types of information you can take away with you.

    If the appointment is with a mental health professional or counsellor you might want to see on a regular basis, use your first meeting to decide whether you feel comfortable with them and whether they are someone you think you could trust.

    If you don’t feel that you are going to get on with a particular person or professional, go elsewhere. You have the right to choose. What matters is that you get the help you need.

    Don't forget, you don't have to take any help or advice if it doesn't feel right.

    I hope that helped.

    Now, killing yourself is not the answer to any problem, alot of people have hurt me aswell, but hey, im still living, not loving it, but im still living.

    Do you have anyone special in your life? Anyone at all? Live for them, think how awful your family would feel, i wouldn't like to place anyone in that position, surely you do not aswell?

    Pain is very hard to fight, and suffer with, but in order to beat the pain, you have to live, and prove to it, that you are stronger. Why not tell your parents that cutting is apart of you, it is not selfish, it is apart of what you do, tell them your feelings, it may help them understand.

    I hope i helped somehow,
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2006
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Yes that is seriously messed up... I don't know what else to say. Other than "The first step is always the hardest"
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    That is good information Sarah. People who don't experience cutting do not understand. They speak out of fear and anger that someone they know and love can do that to themselves. It becomes and addiction just like any other drug and is very difficult to stop. I hope they become more understanding and are able to help you stop.
  5. Oh dear, sorry :(
    I gave methods.. o_O
    Sorry again! :(
    I just copyed in from the site, i didnt realiese :( Sorry :(
  6. Lady Byron

    Lady Byron Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. I don't think it is selfish at all... I remember reading books about self-harming people and I always thought, "How would that make you feel better?" I know now. A lot of people don't understand that it helps you cope with things. I've been through a lot and I... never told anyone. Only one person knows, and he doesn't try to help me. He thinks I'm messed up. I know that I need help, I just don't want it yet. I'm definitely not ready for help. You know, my parents get mad at me for feeling a certain way like having a crush on an older person, but it's not like I can help it... I don't know why I'm going on. I hope your family will one day understand what you do is no more selfish than... I don't know. Keep your chin up because good things happen when you least expect them to happen.
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