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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by change, Sep 23, 2010.

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  1. change

    change Member

    People talk about the act of suicide being selfish. Well doesn't that work both ways? I mean, if you have someone who's been suffering from depression for 20 years, but they havent committed suicide (yet) but their loved ones know they've been depressed - but they still want them to live on in misery, because they want the depressed one in their lives - isnt that selfish of them?

    And what's the point in living in misery?
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...I think most ppl are selfish...they operate from their own needs and desires...yes, many people do not recognize the degree to which some one they love is in pain...it is very sad...sorry you are experiencing these things and glad you found us...welcome again, J
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I can see from both sides of the fence on this one...
    I have suffered depression on and off most of my life and have come close to suicide many times..
    I have now lost a son to suicide and it hurts like hell.....so I'm here so I don't cause the same pain to those I love.....
    It's hard ..
    are you getting any proffessional help?
  4. change

    change Member

    Hi and thanks for the welcome you two.

    No, I'm not getting any help at the moment. I tried once but gave up because I didn't have the motivation to keep going. Shouldn't the thought of being free of depression be motivation in itself? If so, why don't I see it like that?

    Every day is one day closer to a premature end.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Change. I suppose I'm one of those 'selfish' people who think that depressed people should keep on living and not commit suicide, because I think that depression can be overcome. I know that it is really hard to overcome depression, because it is easy to get caught up in the cycle of depression, but one still has to try.
  6. Shezz

    Shezz Member

    And why would you want to rush that end...what if things get better? Or would you rather not wait for that if there is a chance that there isn't?

    Hmmm...something to think about...
  7. change

    change Member

    Nearly all of my life has been lived through depression, so it's hardly likely that I will ever overcome it. Living in the HOPE that things will get better just isnt enough anymore.

    I'm now getting to the point of researching how to do it.
  8. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    hey change, I'm 40. I have lived with depression for 30 years, my first suicide attempt was at 14. I REALLY know how you feel. I still suffer with it now, the difference is that it does get better, it does get easier to cope with. Honestly. The problem is though, when you are in a state deep of depression you can't see any way out, you have no focus, no energy to try. this where the meds come in. they lift you mood enough for you to be able to fight it. Depression needs to be fought, it is not an easy fight as you know but it is worth it.

    I have attempted suicide 6 times, I have researched it. I have the means. the problem with that is that every now and then I laugh, smile, crack jokes with people. it is days like this, when even though the depression is there it isn't controlling me. at the moment depressing thoughts are controlling you. you need to take back that control. if you want to pm me please do.
  9. change

    change Member

    Hi Stig, thanks for replying.

    I know depression needs to be fought, but I just cannot be bothered any more, I can't be bothered to fight it. The older I get, the worse it gets. The problem I have is, that on the rare occasions I do feel okay, I feel guilty for feeling that way and soon I'm dwelling in that dark place again. The only thing that's really playing on my mind is how to do it properly, because I don't want to fail and end up a cripple or brain damaged for the rest of my life.
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    It sounds to me like you are caught in the cycle of depression and when you start to break the cycle, you pull yourself back into it. Don't feel guilty when you feel good. It's normal to feel good. I think the problem is that you've lived with depression for so long now that it has become a part of your identity and you're afraid of losing your identity. Stop planning on how to end your life. You need to separate yourself from your depression. Recognize that depression doesn't define your existence. :hug:
  11. change

    change Member

    I think you're right, but how do I stop myself from feeling guilty? If I killed someone I'd feel guilty, and there's nothing that could stop that guilt and this is the same. I don't know how to not feel guilty. I think I feel the guilt because someone like me doesn't have the right to feel okay. But in that moment of feeling okay, I feel a bit more positive, but that positivity doesnt last lomg enough for me to be able to do something about my life.

    I won't ever be happy until I have a life worth living, but that won't happen until the depression has gone.

    See the catch?

    I honestly believe that my death will be through my own doing.

    And thank you for replying.
  12. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    hi change. i thought the same way, I found that rather than just saying that i hated my life i tried to find out what was crap in it and try to rectify the parts that are shit. It really isn't easy. you need to be in a better place though. try seeing your doctor and get some help. honestly, change you can do this.
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