Selifishness and One-Way Holidays

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kate., Jan 26, 2008.

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  1. Kate.

    Kate. Member

    “I'm old, Gandalf. I know I don't look it but I'm beginning to feel it in my heart. I feel thin... sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday. A very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return. In fact I mean not to.”

    I can’t keep going. Not like this. I can’t live like this. I can’t live without moving on. I’m so tired. I’m bored. I’m sick of myself. I want to be outside of all this. I want to be removed from this body, from a world of social beings that I can’t quite understand. God, I’m so tired.

    It's SO VIOLENT, SO VIOLENT and CRUEL. I'm such a selfish person. I hate how selfish I am. I have so much compared to the rest of the world, and yet most of the world keeps willing to live on, while I am willing to die. It makes no sense; I'm so damn selfish. I deserve to die for even wanting to die.

    <Mod Edit-methods>I want a deadly stroke of luck in my sleep (painless MI or something like that if it's possible). I dream about falling off of a tall cliff in bright daylight, and I grasp and hold my breath and wait in happiness 'till the end. It's frighteningly joyous.

    I feel like Bilbo. I'm so bored, and tired, and ready to move on. I feel old, old enough to die.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 26, 2008
  2. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :hug: i'm here if you wanna talk hun :hug:
  3. You shouldn't hate yourself because you feel this way. It's only human to be sad, and it's likewise only human to find sanctuary in a possible escape from that sadness. It doesn't matter if you're upset because you're starving to death or if you're upset because of something completely trivial: it's still sadness all the same. It's not your fault that you feel so empty; if you could stop these feelings, you would have a long time ago. These feelings don't indicate weakness either. They're just there, and getting rid of them should be the main goal.

    I suppose that's where suicide comes in, but I don't think killing yourself would solve anything at all. You hate yourself and your life because you feel selfish and useless and empty. But how will killing yourself fix that? It's true that you'll be able to run away from your life, but do you think that you can honestly escape it? Won't you just be dying selfishly and uselessly and emptily? Nothing will have changed at all.

    Only through living do you have the chance to fix things. You have the ability to change your life and change the person that you are; it's never too late to do that. But if you die, that's it. That's the end and you can never live the way you wanted to.

    It's true that changing one's life is an incredibly difficult process, but every person has the ability to, even the most wretched ones. I'm here to help you, and so are the other people on this forum. So please don't give up on all of your opportunities just yet.
  4. Kate.

    Kate. Member

    I just wanted to know-- does anyone else feel like Bilbo? The first time heard him say that in the movie, I totally felt like him. And then I read it in the book and I still felt the same. Bilbo feels so old, but through the Ring has maintained a younger appearance; I am still quite young, but I feel so old and tired and lonely.

    Each day is relentless; days and weeks and months run together and it's difficult to distinguish them anymore.

    winged sandals-- I really appreciate your reply. Sorry it took so long to respond. Although I don't quite agree, I like how you said even though sadness comes from different places, "it's still sadness all the same."
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