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Semi drunken man tells me I look lost...

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Here is what happened:

I was at the bar tonight, and an English speaking duo invited me to join their table. Was fun and all, but at one point this guy tells me that I look LOST. I had no idea how to respond... I told him I was going through a phase of figuring out my priorities in life... I am wondering how anyone else would have approached the situation? Better to lie or not??? I've recently been open about my suicidal tendencies to my close sibilings and friends, and thanks to this, I have been a feeling a lot better these past few months. But, being told I look lost by a complete stranger just made me think i won't ever get over my problems... it just shocked me... if a semi drunken fool can see my thoughts so clearly, what must I look like in the light of day??? Sigh...

Brief history of myself:

Attempted suicide (overdosed 4 years ago)
Cutting (very minor, but recent...)

P.S. Thx for reading my first post :)


Antiquities Friend
Well, the first question is why they invited you to sit with them.

You shouldn't take too much of what the guy said literally.

Mr Stewart

Well-Known Member
Welcome to the forum. :smile:

It could be just something that guy likes to say as a conversation starter in bars. You never know. I get comments like that sometimes too. Not sure how to react. Not sure if they are incredibly perceptive or just took a shot in the dark and happened to hit.


Staff Alumni
I get it quite a bit (hence username) and not just from the drunk. I brush it off and make something up as you did.. One day I might just blurt out it all out though. They did ask after all. :rolleyes:

Don't get me started on the ones that say "cheer up mate, it might never happen (insert awesome face)"

Well, the first question is why they invited you to sit with them.

so it could be that this guy was genuinely interested in and concerned about your welfare, and his semi-drunken state encouraged him to be particularly frank.

It could also be that this guy goes to bars looking for vulnerable people and then hits them with the "you look lost" line.

If you really feel like someone might be good to connect with, maybe let them know a little about you. In time, if you get a better feel for who they are, you could let them know more

imho, I think it's ok to lie sometimes. I think that if you lie to someone in order to protect yourself, I think it's ok.

you could also evade the question. maybe just say "what makes you say that?"
@lightbeam: The conversation was initiated over some cigarette comment in broken french, and I told them that I speak english (i'm in France). So they asked me to come over. // Would you like to play a game of chess? i'm a big fan and always enjoy a game of chess!

@harrachos: You have a point, it's a good starter as the other person is not expecting it. It's very socially dynamic, but in my case, as well as others on this forum, leads to disaster... so i took the easy way out...

@Lost: Sounds like you have it really rough O.O, but yeah your comment made me laugh :) I'm often told that I either look like a zombie, or a day dreamer. (I don't mind this last one though :))

@may71: Thx for the adivce. Lies and white lies. I hate both, so i choose the third option: Lie by omission. It's an unhealthy habit i think... what is ur opinion on the matter? As i've stated before, i've told a few people about my never ending thoughts of suicide, and I feel somewhat liberated. As if the pain is halved... but it still lingers in the back of my mind... I was contemplating the same response : "what makes you think I look lost?" but i feared that he might try and developpe on the subject, and I would end up trapped in my own defensive response... :(

I would like to thank all of you for your input. I still feel somewhat unstable and pawn to this world, so your support means a lot to me. thank you again!

P.S. i can t find the chat. i would enjoy a friendly conversation right now :) (i'm a little far from sober :(, but i just wanna share)

P.S.S. i just noticed the chat room link... man i feel stupid...


Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense

Welcome to SF! :hug:

I don't think you need to worry that things are not going to get better just because of this semi-drunken person seeing and reading your face. I think that perhaps he was a naturally perceptive person and because you have been coming to terms with things in your life, your expression may be more open to being read right now.

And if you are feeling "lost" at the moment, that sounds normal given that you're going through major life path changes.

Keep up the fight and your spirits!


Antiquities Friend

You just had to ask, and alot of other people have asked too. I play chess, only in the sense I like the theory behind it. I find that the moves are so fluid and dynamic, that the chess 'puzzle' will take hundreds if not thousands of years. It's just amazing to me.

Would I like to play? I have turned people down, because I am not very good. Wouldn't want to disappoint them. ;)
He was most likely just making a joke about how you looked drunk. Don't pay too much mind to that. My friends always say "Hello is (my name) there" when I can obviously hear them because they are making a stupid joke about how drunk I look.
could be he is just one of us..
I sit in many bars. . I would just laugh say that's why I drink.."to look lost"
Don't read too much into it.
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