Sent my only friends away.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Krem, Mar 26, 2010.

  1. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    2-4 weeks ago(Every day is the same, so can't be sure) I saw a friend comming out of the shop outside of school with our other friend. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. Over a long period of time, I saw friend A give friend B much more attention than friend A was giving me, even though I've known both of them longer than they have known each other, and friend A even longer.

    If I suggest something to do, friend A "cba", is tired, doesn't like a part of it, and so on. If I am sitting in a cubicle in the library, they'd come and sit by me, sure, but then they'd go and read. However, when I catch them, they're talking about something, and most of the time will start reading once I get there, but not instantly, so that I could say that I "caught" them, but slowly, so that it'd seem "natural", the "right thing to do" or something.

    I also find out that friend A actually likes some of the things which friend A had previously said didn't like. A type of music, taking the bus, types of jokes, and subjects of conversation. When I bring it up, friend A says "I assumed you knew." (Or versions thereof.)

    Although it would look like I'm damning friend B for the actions of friend A, I notice friend B is in on it. Friend B also does similar things, with the "cba" and so on. Just alot more subtle than friend A. Maybe friend B is more "evil".

    Sure, in itself, each is harmless, but when put together, I see signs. A pattern. But, the problem is, now I miss them. I know I shouldn't even bother-- Neither of them has even asked me why I walked past them without greeting them. Neither of them has even shown a hint of desire to even try to find out what is wrong. Not unexpected, I guess, if I'm right.

    Am I paranoid, or did I escape?
  2. CAD

    CAD Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you escaped. :Leiaha:
  3. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Hm, I'd say that if they're being crappy friends then you've escaped; they need to learn to treat people better than that, especially someone they're friends with. You shouldn't put up with such behaviour no matter how much you miss them. However, I understand the thoughts that go through ones head at times like these, such as: "Well, maybe what they did wasn't so bad. At least they were still somewhat my friends before and I wasn't alone", or you start to doubt yourself and think maybe the feud isn't worth it.

    What I'd suggest is to talk to these friends; they're your friends after all and worth fighting for, right? Try asking them what's up and what the problem is with them and the way they're treating you. If they still refuse to be nice and be open with you and generally 'friendly', then I guess there isn't any more you can do. I'd at least give it one more go to try and solve things, because they're your friends after all, and that has to stand for something.
  4. Mat Voleido

    Mat Voleido Well-Known Member

    Losing a friend is hard and shitty. Even if they are bad friends, it's still a tough subject. I kind of lost a friend a couple weeks ago. I wont go into the details, but it's still hard.

    Do what Avarice said, talk to them about it. Just tell them everything straight. If they still bullshit you or anything like that, then I'd say some of your fears are confirmed. But you never know, it could be nothing. They could just be ignorant of your situation and have no knowledge. Give them the benifit of the doubt, and ask. Either way you'll get some closure.

    I hope the next couple days go well for you :smile:
  5. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    I can not put it into words without them sounding more selfish than needed.

    "Hey, I feel like you two aren't giving me enough attention."
    "Hey, I'm feeling left out."
    "Hey, I resent you having fun without me."

    And so on. Logically, I have no "ownership" over them. There is no rule for them to be friendly, helpful, etc., so I have no grounds for my demands.

    Plus, you two make it sound like they were doing it with a clear, less-than-kind goal in their mind. Maybe I've blinded myself, but I don't think they're capable of such cold planning. (Then again, I often belive that my life has been coldly planned for someone's amusement, so..)

    Ah, well. Might aswell try to enjoy my near-perfect solitude, eh?
  6. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that they've at least spoken at some point about how their behaviour towards you has changed and that they're not so friendly towards you anymore. I don't know these people, and maybe they didn't coldly plan to ignore you from the beginning, but they must be aware of the way they're acting towards you. You don't have to go up and say something like, "Hey, I'm feeling left out", as that's a little blunt. You can take a much more subtle approach and just say saying something like, "Hey, I just wanna get a few things off my chest.. lately it feels like we're drifting apart and I really don't want that to happen. I know you two have become closer recently, and that's great, it really is, but whilst that has happened it feels like we're drifting further and further away. I want things to go back to how they were before, or somewhere close to that, and I was just wondering what you thought about that..." or something similar. There are ways to word things without coming across as demanding or selfish but still being able to get your point across.

    You should be able to air your grievances to your friends, or else what are friends for?
  7. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    you know i have to agree with avarice i don't think i got the name right no offense please my memory sucks and this is a well known fact. regardless of all that i would encourage you to speak up, be blunt, be suave about it but speak up. it will be only to your benefit to clear things up. i have had many a many friends come and go. there are always others out there that would be willing to be your friend once they get to know you a little. it's a learning thing. i just encourage you with boldness to go where you may have never had to go before and learn all you can and just try to consider all involved and most importantly what's best for you. what are you going to be at least content with if not happy with this is the big question. this is what matters, and obviously you are not content with the way things are now. so do your best to work with it. that's all you can do and the best thing you can do. keep talking here too if you want or need to we'll listen. i'm sure we'll be willing to at least be a few friends even if it is just online and not real life. it's something which is better than nothing at all and it's a place to start. take care good luck and keep us updated on how this goes. i will be glad to help any way i can.
  8. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    They've not talked to me about it, no. To be fair, they never talked about emotions, as far as I know. The more I think about it, I know it was the right choise, but it still sucks. :dry:
  9. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    I think that if your feelings tell you something is off then something probably is.

    My feelings told me something was off as well, regarding certain co-workers. So at a certain point I ended up talking about that with someone people @ work (people could tell I wasn't happy @ work for some reason so they asked me about it) and of course, instead of keeping it between us, they told it to one of the co-workers I had suspicions/complaints about. :rolleyes: This co-worker then denied everything only to continue being a jerk later on. So he was just trying to save his own hide when denied everything. :rolleyes:

    Anyway, I'm going off on a rant here but the point I'm trying to make is this: follow your heart. I think it usually is the best compass.
  10. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    My "heart" would tell me to embrace a person I see whom is obviously miserable. But my brain knows that it's, in most cases, foolish. My emotions would also tell me to not go to shcool, not go to work, only eat delicious things, and be naked all the time. You see why I don't trust them?
  11. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    You misunderstood.
  12. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    No. I just went a bit too far. The point was, emotions are often wrong. They lead you to do what you wish to do RIGHT NOW, without thinking about what might happen later. Instant gratifacation(?) and all that.
    Your heart might tell you, as a child, that your parents hate you because they didn't let you have that ice-cream. But, logically, you know better.
    Your heart might tell you that you really, really want that car, you can afford it, and it'd be "FUCKIN' AWESOME!!". But, logically, you know it's a waste of money.

    ..and so on.
  13. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    How come?
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2010
  14. magik85

    magik85 Member

    That was a horrible feeling when I realised someone was no longer my best friend. It was in film class and the teacher told us to split ourselves up into groups. Straight away my friend names six other people he wants in his group and doesn't include me.