Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by BelovedDreamer, Sep 22, 2006.

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  1. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    I’d say 96% of the time I wish I was dead
    Or am plagued by the inkling feeling
    That it is a better option
    Than whatever it is I am doing at the time.
    I fear failure
    And fear that I have already failed
    Or that some day
    This delicate balance will tip
    And I will commit the ultimate failure
    And lay down my life
    For fear of living.
    I have forgotten how to communicate properly
    Trying to think is like walking on sand
    And all I want to do is sleep
    But my nights are restless.
    I have nearly given up searching for answers
    But my lassitude does nothing
    To calm the roiling mass of questions
    Unanswerable and unfathomable
    That causes those restless nights.
    I am up to my eyelids in "if onlys"
    The academic’s answer to the world
    And all its misery
    And inequity.
    If only the world were different.
    This is the way it is
    But if only I was not the way I am.
    I have grown too delicate
    And too transparent to live in this ruckus
    This chaotic staging of a life
    A cellophane child in a too bright world.
    The next time I am crumpled up and thrown away
    I think will be my last.
    I am lacking in stamina
    Or courage or self-
    Which makes it possible to live a life.
    The thing which frightens me most
    Is that I might be wrong.
    That I have the stamina
    And this is not an Achille’s Heel
    But a twisted ankle
    And I will keep on limping along.
    I am afraid
    Not just that I will live
    But that I will live like this until I die.
  2. You voice in simple, straightforward eloquence my own fears, as well as those of many here. It's been said before that even in despair, there is great beauty here in such writings nonetheless. It's hard to be a naked bleeding soul...but your words shine in the darkness...

    Last edited: Sep 22, 2006
  3. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Dearly Beloved;

    I love your eloquent words, but not the thoughts that formed them.:sad: I bleed tears for you; for all of us who haven't the slightest clue how to live in a lifeless world and not feel like a fake and a failure. I love you, Beloved.:smile: I wish some measure of peace for you, and for us all.:smile: :smile:


  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :hug: I know where you are coming from with your thoughts.
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