September (01 09 09)

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by t0d1e4, Aug 26, 2009.

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  1. t0d1e4

    t0d1e4 Member

    By the time 10am on this day arrives I will be dead and, really, I can't wait.... I would do it now but things have to be done in order. Without order there is only chaos. Chaos is supposed to be organized right! according the great physicists of our short and brief existence in this universe anyway

    So, one by one we are pushed to the edge of the cliff with no idea what life’s meaning is. Well I'll tell you the meaning of life, "there isn't one", not one little scrap of paper to point you in the right direction to the meaning of life. However, there is some solace; the meaning that you give to your own life is that which is most important, and, the only meaning there really is to (your) life.

    Good people don't need laws and bad people break them. To help yourself or to help others! The choice is yours.

    Favourite theme tune is MASH 4077


    I did crash a motorbike at 100mph, I missed the corner at the bottom of a hill, more to the point, I hit the corner as the road went right. I should have taken the hint back then, as well as all the others.......

    Anyone have a penny for the ferryman :faint:
  2. Polar

    Polar Account Closed

    Hi t0d1e4,

    I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. There is much truth in what you say about good people not needing laws and bad people breaking them. I really think that is a true statement.

    The fact that you're holding off for a few days means there are some things you need to get done which are important in your life. I'm sure these things are related to people important in your life too.

    I can't say I've lived your life but I have plans too. What I've tried to do though is to keep postponing them and I sometimes realise, I'm doing this because I care about people who I need to do things for before I die. Maybe you're in a similar situation.

    If you're feeling like this I would advise though going to the emergency department of the hospital and giving that a go. Maybe they could talk to you and give you some suggestions on how to make your life better even if it was for the short term.

    We are all here for you if you ever need to talk. :smile:

    Take care.

    Kind regards,

  3. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    I agree with some parts of your assessment. How we define the meaning of life is dependent upon what we give it.

    That being said, please don't give up. We're here, and we're all willing to listen. I encourage you to seek help from a behavioral health professional.

    I, for one, refuse to believe that my life is meaningless, and I refuse to believe that yours is, too.

    Everything we do in life, everybody we know, has an effect by our just being here. None of us are an island unto ourselves. We are, instead, a mosaic. Remove one piece and you can still tell what the picture is . . . but it isn't complete.

    I beg you to reconsider your decision.
  4. t0d1e4

    t0d1e4 Member

    I have seen a Doctor, CPN x2, Pyschatrist and a Comunity Care Coordinator (Social worker). Nothing has changed, The last ten years are the worst of all.

    I feel no fear, only relief and a longing for a long awaited respite from the chaos of this so called world of humanity. (Just realised while writing this that humanity rhymes with clamity and insainity ha ha ha........) Is there any humanity left in this world? Y are people so concerned with ownership of possessions? Do we really need to define ourslevles by objects?

    It was said that a man/women was defind by the company they keep, not the clutter in our lives.

    Who drives our need control our environment, us, or the greed of individuals who own large, get richer & richer companies. I feel the world has taken a direction I can no longer agree with, nor accept.......

  5. danko

    danko New Member

    I am 100% agree with u about ur points of view. although the outside world doesnt affect my feeling of life burden, it comes from within myself. Personally I see that there r things, good things in the world r left yet, along with bad, things u could do, enjoy, love. But unfortunately it's not anymore enough, when that unwilliness for life comes from the core of U. it's just irreversible and not to be healed. I am on my way to have it all in order too before I will be gone. I think it's right to do...
  6. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    It isn't necessarily what you own. For some people, that's how they chose to define themselves. For others, though, it's about what they've done, who they've helped. I personally define myself through my actions, not my material possessions, and I start each day taking stock of my accomplishments and my goals. Maybe it's not necessarily tangible, but it means more to me than a car or a house could. I know that when it's my time to pass from this life, I will be remembered as a good man. And really, that's any all of us could ask in life, for our memories and our legacies to be remembered kindly.

    Watching a new life come into this world. Taking somebody in an embrace as they cry into your shoulder. Sharing a joke with a friend. Those are the times worth living for. Those are the times worth fighting for.

    I ask you again to reconsider your decision. There's a lot of living left to do.
  7. t0d1e4

    t0d1e4 Member

    Thank you Danko
  8. t0d1e4

    t0d1e4 Member

    I'm all out of "Fight" now.

    All I ever wanted was to help others & be remembered as you would have.

    I once saved two girls from drowning in a river, Helped a man get his life back to a place were he was happy. A women who had a phobia of phones, another who had monies worries. My life was always about helping others through this world & to make it a better place for all thosse I meet.

    I met a dozen kids from Chernobyl in 97. There were as happy as any child could be. I offen wonder if there alive today and what they have done with their lives!

    A trip to africa gave me a better understanding of a world out of control. Commuinties living refuse pits watching holliday makers drive through without blinking an eye. There should never been such a thing as Poverty. There is enough food and resources on this planet to go around for everyone.

    I'm sorry if all this sounds political but I can't watch as countries go about silently destroying each other for no better reason than govermental self satisfaction.

    Back on track now......

    I never wanted to be in this world, even as a child. Parents are supposed to help children not hurt them, understand!!....

  9. Polar

    Polar Account Closed

    Hi t0dle4 and Danko,

    You both sound like you are very good people and like to help others.

    Surely, such goodness which can impact the world in such a good way is worth fighting for? Isn't the world a good place because of people like you? If all good people like you were to go, who would be left?

    Thank you and take care.

    Kind regards,

  10. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    I don't believe you're out of "fight" at all. If you've done all that, then you know that there are grave injustices in the world. I, too, have seen poverty and war. It depresses me as well.

    But the hope for a new tomorrow is built one person at a time. As I said earlier, humanity is a mosiac. You need all the tiles to make a complete picture. And although it may not be immediately apparent, what you do here and now does make a difference.

    I don't think your work is done yet.
  11. t0d1e4

    t0d1e4 Member

    I have finalized everything. Now I have to wait untill the 1st for a long long undisturbed sleep at last.
  12. Polar

    Polar Account Closed

    Hi t0d1e4,

    Thanks for your message.

    May I ask you a couples questions which you can answer to yourself.

    If there is one thing which will keep you living or make you happy, what would it be?

    Second question is about whether this thing is attainable. Can you acheive this goal? My feeling whatever it is would be yes. May take time but you can get it.

    Please reconsider. You have so much more to give the world.

    Kind regards,

  13. t0d1e4

    t0d1e4 Member

    Hi Polar

    I have read your posts and wonder if you have asked yourself the same questions.

    Less than 23hrs to go :)


    I have never wanted to be in this world, even as a child.

    Live is suffering, the cessation of suffering is death.

    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 31, 2009
  14. Polar

    Polar Account Closed

    Hi t0d1e4,

    Thank you for your message and for reading my posts.

    I have asked myself the same questions over and over again.

    The thing which would make me happy is being mentally stable. The thing which will make me mentally stable is resilience and not being so susceptible to hurt. I'd like to be a stronger person and have more self confidence and be able to think rationally. Hard to do if people keep treating you like a doormat but with the right support it's possible.

    Acceptance and love and a feeling of worth has happened before. I don't know why I can't be like that again. It is attainable. It's going to be tough but I can make it. I don't know what your answers are and they are something which should be private.

    I'd like you to know though that I think this world would be at a great loss if you went through with this. I for one would feel saddened and this is the truth.

    You saved two girls from drowning in a river. I have never done that in my life and most people haven't. I never expected people to treat me well but I didn't ask people to treat me poorly. My point though if you were to go who would be left to set the example? Who would be there to help the weak?

    I can only implore with you now not to go through with it. Please don't. I have to see a friend's mother who lost their life to suicide. She is an absolutely mess. I have to see her every week and it is really hard.

    You are a good person and I can gather that. Please don't let evil win because if you go through with this, it will. You're just in a bad place right now and you will get better like me with the right support.

    To answer your question, I ask myself that over and over again. What will make me happy? The crux of it is wellness and there are various underlying elements to this. You have a right to be here and a right to be happy too.

    Please reconsider and hold on. I know it's so hard but you are worth it. Don't ever underestimate that.

    Take care.

    Kind regards,

  15. t0d1e4

    t0d1e4 Member

    Hi Polar

    Your Message brings tears to my eyes and adds a crushing feeling to my heart. I understand what your saying and I agree with it all. However, there is nothing I can do now. These wheels were set in motion the day I was born and I was warned there is black line through my life. I feel the only way to stop my life from being any worse than it has been is to die.

    1. We are all stable & rational, its just matter of others perception.

    2. Who's pain do you feel? yours, or that of others?

    3. Confidence comes from doing one thing at a time, the right way.

    4. Stronger! Metal or physical? One is as much a part of the other.

    5. No one is a door mat, you only feel like one. Change the feeling.....

    I think its about time you started saying "NO" to people & give them your feelings as to why you said so. You don't have to forceful. Have a look for these books

    Mental Strength, By Iain Stuart Abernethy

    The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes

    F**k it, the spiritual way by John Parkin ((Search as typed) a good book indead)

    When you want to do things in life, "now" is the only time.

    If you think something is hard then it will be, because you focus on the difficulties, not the outcome (digging out a tree is difficult, the outcome is that the hard work is over. Next time will be easier)

    Open up to your hopes & accept them, instead of accepting your worries.

    Worring breeds worry. What does hope breed??

    Change only what needs to be changed & nothing more.

    I'm kinda liking these little chats :)

    Take care Polar

    Gentle :hug:

    19.5 hrs to go :sigh:
  16. t0d1e4

    t0d1e4 Member

    11hrs 52min to go

    Starting to feel the relef already
  17. Littlewiji

    Littlewiji Well-Known Member

    The point of life is to make a point for your life. Find something or someone to live for, and hold onto that.

    I know that feeling of relief. I've been there. It's dangerous, it's powerful, and you want nothing else.

    Don't give in mate. There are going to be people in your life who'd much, much rather have you alive than dead.

    And what's this I hear about saving some people from a river? Doesn't that show yourself that you can be strong, that you are strong?
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 31, 2009
  18. t0d1e4

    t0d1e4 Member

    Yes it is a wonderfull feeling

    1hr 15m

    Wont post after this one

    Thank you everyone for your kind words of support

  19. Littlewiji

    Littlewiji Well-Known Member

    You didn't read the bit after that!

    Mate, dont do this. Just last a bit longer. Just another week, another day. Just hang on.
  20. Polar

    Polar Account Closed

    Hi t0d1e4,

    I don't know where you are or what you are doing right now but I'd like you to know that I'm thinking of you.

    I know you said you're not going to post anymore and I respect that. However, if you change your mind and are ok and want to come back and post you are more than welcome to. I would respect that too because I respect you.

    Your life has had great meaning to me and you really made me realise so many things particularly about that saying 'no' part. I just hope that wherever you are that you are ok.

    Please write if you would like too and I'm thinking of you.

    BTW I liked your quote too about the reasons for dying and living.

    Take care.

    Kind regards,

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