Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Miasma, Apr 28, 2010.

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  1. Miasma

    Miasma New Member

    OK been toying with these issues a lot lately, was really interested to get your perspective on it. For obvious reasons one can't really talk about this openly with family and friends and although I've tried to have a somewhat logical discussion about a minor aspect with a friend once the reaction was 'it's sad that you think that way'.

    So, I guess I'm struggling, in a way to cope with the serendipity (for lack of a better word) of life. To start with, everyone has heard of the big bang. So, this whole thing, not only matter like the stars and the planets and our little green and blue planet but also time and space and laws of uncountable varieties and proportions were created. (Please I don't want this to be a discussion of the big bang/God/religion but I'm a scientist and know there to be pretty convincing evidence of a time when our universe was infinitely dense and small so that's what I believe). So we were so close to being whatever existed before that, an antimatter universe, nothing, not even existence, one small glitch somewhere, created everything not just life, but everything like space etc (all that I said before). You could call it fortune or destiny but conversely I find non-existence just seems to scream to me that it's what was destined. Even in this world, think of all the millions of mistakes that made you you, the millions of ova and sperm in your parents, the miscarriages that your mother had before you were born, the trillions upon trillions of DNA replications that went on successfully enough to create you an incredibly complex organism of unimaginable proportions. I mean just for example my mother had a miscarriage of a baby that was due in May of a year, I was born in August that same year (she miscarried at like 3 months and then fell pregnant with me). That doesn't particularly bother me (more than any of this) but I'm just trying to point out the extreme luck that has brought you here and that I believe is common to everyone. (1/6 pregnancies end in miscarriage and 1/2 fertilised embryos will fail to implant/thrive). So just think of how close you are and have been to non-existence.

    Secondly, think of this world. I just find people seem to on a majority basis hate their jobs or hate their personal lives or somehow not be happy with the way they are living. There just doesn't seem much point on continuing on in this dog-eat-dog world. I mean, simply my story about my mother's miscarriage shows how you've already competed against the risk of others to be born, let alone progress through life. Yes I know there are things like love etc but simply I just find that a strong emotional attachment, it doesn't give me any meaning, any point. So I write this not because I'm suicidal, I just can't stand the thought of imposing myself more upon my parents, my friends, the people who once knew me, the person who has to find me. BUT really I think the main reason we keep living is because we are scared of non-existence. In my opinion we've been deluding ourselves for centuries with afterworlds and heavens and hells and whatnots. I hate to think the reason I wake up every morning, the reason I continue being is because I am scared of not. I just find this whole process, the circle of life such a redundant cycle until one day we deplete all our resources and die. The end.
  2. yogurt

    yogurt Active Member

    Hello, Miasma.

    How are you doing now?

    I've thought about those things, too. I also think about how I never had a choice in being here. I still don't know what to do with those thoughts.

    Life replicates. Other than that...meh? I know people who see all of the science behind it as a beautiful thing--and it is...and somehow it's enough for them. I feel hollow when I think about it.

    I know that my depression strongly influences how I feel about these things and all I can do is remind myself of that.

    And I look for the things I like about life. I take my camera with me on a walk and get beautiful pictures.

    What do you like to do?

    Please take care of yourself. Are you seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? Be kind to yourself. :hugtackles:
  3. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    Not wanting to follow the religous path (what has it done for me?) I agree with the convention of scientific thought on the creation of existance and life.

    But my ideas on this falter when I consider my lot in life, in that why is it so bad? Why is it I neither deserve life and seem able to live within it?

    If I am a construct of mathematical probability and evolution, is my sole existance here for the amusement of others? Is my purpose in life to be apart from everyone, isolated, derided, ignored and spurned?

    I live a life where only cowardice keeps me away from death. I have nothing else.


    And thats the result of billions of years of chance. Me. Loser.
  4. satyesu

    satyesu Member

    Speaking of science, what really gets my brain is the part of quantum theory that found for wave function collapse to happen - that is, for anything to happen - there must be a conscious observer. God? Us? Dunno, but I can't believe this life is here for no reason.
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