Serious Crisis. Please read. Would be thankful for any help/advice.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by vacanthospitals, Oct 18, 2010.

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  1. vacanthospitals

    vacanthospitals New Member

    My name is Jennifer, and I'm 19 years old. I live with my dad, and two younger brothers. One is fifteen, one is ten. I'm not going to get too much into my life story, but I just need someone to at least hear me out because this forum is the only option I can really turn to right now. My background has a lot to do with my current crisis right now, so if you have the heart to read this, it would mean so much.

    My mother got cancer when I was 12. She died when I was 15. When my mother was sick, she had to go across the country for a cancer-treatment center. My dad became abusive during that time period. He would slap me, pull my hair, and drag me up and down the stairs, push me down so I couldn't stand up, busted my mouth open, and lock me out of the house. I don't know why this started, he just became so angry and took everything out on me when I was younger. The only type of terrible things he done when I was a child, was accuse my mother of cheating and call her a "baby-killer" and a "*****" indicating she was sleeping around and getting abortions. He'd slap her a few times. He'd punch holes in the walls, scream and yell and scare me. That hurt me when I was a child, but it was not overwhelming because it was not often. I began pulling my hair out at the age of 5, to cope with this. I grew out of it. I had a great relationship with my Dad when I was a child even though the pain he caused my mother would upset me. He never hurt me emotionally or physically when I was a child, but developed in my teen years.

    Anyway, moving on.. I began harming myself when I was about 13. The pain of my mother being terribly sick and my father abusing me physically, verbally and emotionally was overwhelming. My school counselor became really concerned about everything, so she recommended me seeing another counselor by the name of "Rocko." Rocko gave me a test to see how serious my depression was. I guess you could say I was a nervous wreck then, I'd only get 2 hours of sleep for school and try to sleep during lunch. Rocko became so concerned, he called my father to let him know that I need professional help to cope with the emotions I am dealing with. My dad told Rocko I was lying about being depressed for attention, and told him I was not allowed to see him anymore.

    The abuse became so much, I told my dad if he hit me, I would have to tell my school that he was being so physically abusive. He stopped hitting me then, but the emotional and verbal abuse continued. I've been in and out of hospitals for harming myself, but I suppose I just kept it to myself thinking nobody will help me. My dad would say I'm psycho, delusional, mental, and it's all in my head, and nobody will ever believe me if I told anyone about the things that go on. He would mock my cutting, and just make me feel so bad to the point I felt like there was no hope for me and I will no longer be happy or safe without my mother. When my mother left to that treatment center, I was honestly afraid for my life, because I thought all this pain I had inside of me, it would cause me to harm or even kill myself. My mother's death caused me to have an overwhelming fear of abandonment that destroys my life and relationships to this day, but I am working on coping with that.
    As years went by, my dad's behavior calmed down. He stopped taking things out on me, stopped insulting me or harassing me, and actually started to improve slowly to the point where he completely became a normal person again. However, my 15 year old brother behavior has started to change dramatically. He started skipping school a lot, fighting a lot at school when he was about thirteen years old. My dad sent him to boarding school and hoped that he would improve his behavior.

    About a year in boarding school, my 15 year old brother got kicked out for threatening one of his teachers that he will slit her throat. He was sent back home, and was placed in a behavioral school. My dad had a new girlfriend at the time, and she was so terrified of my 15 year old brother brother because when my brother moved back home, he was completely out of control. He would insult her, and she would lock herself in my Dad's bedroom just to stay away from him until my Dad returned home from work. My brother would hit me, lock me in a corner, tell me to kill myself, and calling me horrendous names, spit on me, and he gave me a black eye. I am deathly afraid of him, I am even afraid of telling him "no" if he asks me to use one of my belongings.
    My ten year old brother is constantly harassed by my 15 year old brother, and I try so hard to make him happy. I am like a mother to him, I help him with his homework, cook dinner for him, put on movies for him and help him relax, and take care of his paperwork for school. Our mother died when we were young, so he needed a mother figure in his life so I decided the best thing I could do for him is try to be the mother he lost for him. He would slap my 10 year old brother across the face, and call him mentally retarded and autistic (which he is autistic, but still wrong to say or use against him), moron, curse him out, talk about sex in front of him and I cannot have that anymore.

    *My current crisis that happened this evening.*

    I was making dinner for my family. My ten year old brother was helping me, I was teaching him how to cook a certain meal, allowing him to stir things and just spending time with him. My 15 year old brother came into the kitchen, really angry, saying I spilled a drink on his blanket. Confused, I asked him what he meant and I remember I made a sleeping bag for my 10 year old brother on the floor using my 15 year old brother's blanket, because we just moved in into this new house and we don't have our beds yet. My brother was furious, cursing at me, calling me "bitch" demanding me to wash his blanket, and I told him I was cooking dinner and that we'll discuss it after, and I wasn't going to wash anything right now. After that, he began to say outrageous yet disgusting things, like he was going to urinate on my blanket and ejaculate on my blanket if I did not wash his blanket.
    My brother began to scream, and pushing me, getting all up in my face, harassing me and calling me names from skank, bitch, *****, slut, psycho, telling me I was fat when I am not even overweight. My 10 year old became afraid, crying, so I told him to go upstairs, and my 15 year old brother was pushing me so much, and screaming at me and telling me to "cook his dinner, bitch" and that "that's the only thing I'm good for because I'm a worthless skank who should die." I begin to shake because I was really afraid, I have this serious problem where I start to tremble when people yell. Probably from my horrible past, but I began to shake and cry because I was so afraid. He locked me in a corner of the kitchen so I couldn't get out of it, so I slid under his arm and ran into the living room where he followed me and locked me in. I told him I had to check on the food, but he kept shoving me and insulting me, and he spit on me so I pushed him out of my way with a slight force to get myself free from him so I could get away. He grabbed my arms and would not let go of my wrists, and overpowering me back into the other room so I tried kicking free. It stopped then because my dad broke it up, he refused to call the police and told me not to. I told my dad I cannot take things like this anymore. My brother says these terrible things to me all the time, and I cannot bare with any longer. I am afraid of him, afraid for my younger brother.

    My boyfriend lives long-distance, but when I told him what happened, he told me to call the police and that they will help me. My 15 year old brother says I'd get in trouble worse than he did, because I did hurt him too, out of self defense, but not even badly, I was just trying to break free, but that I'm an adult. I just don't know what I can do, I told my dad tonight I have been through so much, and I can't keep holding on anymore because this has been going on for years, and I am about to break down. I told him about the physical abuse he did to me years ago, and he said I was delusional, but it did happen and it hurts me how he is denying it and accusing me of being crazy when I am just clinically depressed.
    I guess I am just asking for advice what I should do. I have no other family to stay with, and I cannot afford my own place currently, and I cannot stay with friends since we just moved away. If you took the time of your day to read all of this, then I cannot thank you enough and bless your heart.

    Edit: I apologize for the offensive and repulsive language in this thread.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need to talk to someone okay the police if your an adult phone family services to get help for your brothers they will get them mental health the need if you call for help now Don't stay in harms way okay let the authorities deal with it all or call someone you trust and get themto call the police or family services to step in to help you and your brothers
  3. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

    I agree the police need to be involved, Your brother will recieve the help that is due to him.
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    firstly, I am so sorry that this is happening to you. you sound like such a good person, and you have been through so much. you are a very strong person and admire the courage and strength that you have shown.

    what you have gone through is really horrific and unfair.

    I might be able to help more if I knew what country you are in. If you are in the states, this info might help

    Domestic/Family Violence

    National Domestic Violence Hotline
    24 hour hotline phone: 800.799.SAFE (800.799.7233)
    who they help: victims, survivors, family, parents, friends, offenders, community leaders. A resource to anyone who may have concerns about relationship being unhealthy or abusive, and it does not matter whether they are dating or married, living together or not.

    you may be able to go to a domestic violence shelter, though I've heard that shelters are often not nice places to be.

    it sounds like your 15 year old brother learned a pattern of abuse from watching your dad abuse your mom and you. it's so sad that your dad didn't get help for his problems instead of just dumping his problems onto his family.

    so many of the things that you have said are sadly all too familiar things. the abuse, the denial, all of it.

    it would be good if your brother could get some kind of medical treatment to stop him from behaving this way, but I don't know if your father would ever approve it because it seems that he just wants to deny that there are problems.

    I am so sorry that these things are happening to you and wish that I could stop them from happening. I wish I could heal all of the pain and injustice that you have suffered.

    it may be strange to hear someone who has never met say that they love you, but I love you. I'm praying that you will be able to get through this.
  5. AnotherFallenStar

    AnotherFallenStar Well-Known Member

    Wow. The whole time I was reading that I was thinking you have to get help from some kind of protective service. Please do before something bad happens or try one of the numbers may gave you. Good luck and be safe.
  6. vacanthospitals

    vacanthospitals New Member

    Thank you for all of the responses, and thank all of you for reading. I'll be sure if something happens again, I'll be calling the police because there is only so much I can handle. I don't really know what they could do to a fifteen year old, but there's really nothing else I can do and somebody has to be able to help me.

    May, your kind words mean so much to me. You gave me so much hope. I'll keep the hotline for the domestic violence. I love you, you seem like a beautiful person just being here for me, even if it means by reading a few paragraphs, and your sweet words.
  7. Riga

    Riga Member

    I know it must be hard but you MUST go to the police. Don't let them get away with this behaviour and try to save your little brother from any kind of distress too, honey :)
  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member


    yeah, maybe the hotline can help. I hope so!
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    'My boyfriend lives long-distance, but when I told him what happened, he told me to call the police and that they will help me. My 15 year old brother says I'd get in trouble worse than he did, because I did hurt him too, out of self defense, but not even badly, I was just trying to break free, but that I'm an adult.'

    I'm so sorry you're living this nightmare......
    Your boyfriend is right the police....make a report......your brother is trying to scare you into silence in saying you will get in trouble....a man should never hit a woman ..he needs to be stopped.
    don't wait till "next time" because that might be too late...
    please do it now..
    you are living in a volatile situation with the anxiety and stress it causes...
    It's not fair on you or your little brother
    hopefully a reprimand from the police may be enough to frighten him to stop
    we care about you and your safety ..take care
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