Serious overdosing as a form of self-harm

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by blackskies, Aug 10, 2011.

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  1. blackskies

    blackskies Member

    I have taken seven overdoses in the last year and half (I do also cut). Most of them serious enough to leave me unconscious in hospital for a few days. I do see mental health services and have done since I was 14 now 22. My therapist believes I am reinacting childhood sexual abuse. I know they not suicide attempts as I always expect to wake up or though people keep telling me this may not always be the case esp. when I continue to try and make them more and more life-threatening. But even though with the risk of death being a very possible outcome if I continue I can't seem to stop or stop wanting to make them more and more life-threatening. I research the drugs picking things that are much less likely to cause organ damage.
    I very close to taking another massive OD (even worse than the time before), I keep telling myself I'll probably be in a coma and stop breathing but they can save me and put me on a ventilator in ICU and I'll come out of the coma after a few days (judging on last time and how long my GCS was 8). I keep wanting to make worse than last time, I feel so out of control.
    My self-harm is my responsibility my mental health team can only guide me (they tried sectioning me over and over years ago made things worse) but I just don't feel able to stop myself even though I'm physically very anxious about what I'm about to do. I can't seem to clearly see the risk, I dismiss it and tell myself I'll wake up fine.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    My brother thought the same he did not make it through his last OD and i miss him so much You are playing Russian roulette with your life dam don't do it again okay next time may be your last not saying that to be mean but i lost my bro and i don't want to see anyone else loose their lives unecessary okay
    Go in talk to your doctor go to hospital on your own okay and sign self in hugs
    don't do it hun he did not want to die but he is gone and all there is left now is pain
  3. ali 56

    ali 56 Well-Known Member

    I don't know the answers at the moment as I do the same thing myself, crazy I know but I have been regulary od'ing weekly for 4 and a half months and been doing it occaisionally for 2 and half years and have spent times in hosp wired up to drips none of it very nice and I have to agree it's russion roulette. When I come up with an answer I will let u know - but the pain you go through does determine not to do one sooner and is controlling to a certain extent. I do hope you are OK as I know it is not very nice - take care Ali
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